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CAFE's Daily Newsletter January 21, 2016
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Happy Thursday. On this day in 1997, Newt Gingrich became the first Speaker of the House to be disciplined for ethics violations — with his pants on.

(Credit: Getty Images)

FOR SARAH PALIN, it's still 2008 and everything is all Obama’s fault.

 

HER BEE-BOP SPEECHES are nearly always peppered with references that barely made sense during her failed campaign to become the person that ensured no one would ever let John McCain die.

 

ON WEDNESDAY, SHE EVEN FOUND A WAY to draw her old foe into her genuinely disturbing family drama. Just after she endorsed Trump, news broke that her son Track had been arrested for domestic abuse. And you’ll never guess who’s at fault!

 

“BUT MY SON, LIKE SO MANY OTHERS, THEY COME BACK A BIT DIFFERENT,” she said, referencing Track’s service in Iraq, in a speech which — amazingly — seemed to have been written in advance. “They come back wondering if there is that respect for what it is that their fellow soldiers and airmen, and every other member of the military, so sacrificially have given to this country. And that starts from the top.”

 

ANOTHER ELOQUENT MESSAGE of personal responsibility brought to you by Sarah Palin!

(Credit: Getty Images)

IF THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY WERE A GAME OF "F***, MARRY, KILL," the candidate most likely to be killed by the GOP establishment is definitely Ted Cruz.

 

“NOBODY LIKES HIM,” the 1996 GOP nominee for president Bob Dole said on Wednesday, predicting Cruz would do even worse than the guy most Americans think would make a “poor” or “terrible” president — Donald Trump.

 

SURE, BOB DOLE LOST TO BILL CLINTON in 1996 by 220 electoral and more than 8 million actual votes, but Republicans kept the House and the Senate.

 

“IF HE'S THE NOMINEE, we’re going to have wholesale losses in Congress and state offices and governors and legislatures,” former Viagra spokesperson Dole said before slyly noting that “experience is important,” with a wink to the ladies.

 

WHAT DID TED CRUZ DO to piss off a 92-year-old man? That’s the amazing thing about Cruz’s unappeal — it spans all demographics.

(Credit: Getty Images)

SCIENTISTS NOW SAY that 2015 was the hottest year on record, which would be news if people listened to scientists.

 

THIS EXCEEDS THE RECORD the Earth set in 2014. Notice a trend?


TED CRUZ — LIKE YOUR CRABBY UNCLE — likes to claim that “global warming stopped in 1998” even though the “blip” in the data has now been corrected, if you believe “so-called” data.


LIKE COCKROACHES, anti-science talking points can survive anything.

Palin's Endorsement Smells Like Teen Spirit

A RED FOX DOES NOT SCREAM WHEN IT FINDS ITS PERFECT MATE. Foxes are too smart to fall for the soul mate bullshit.

SHE REALLY WENT THERE—Rep. Mary Dye, a Washington state Republican lawmaker, asked a group of teens visiting the capitol if they were virgins. She later apologized and swore that's she never done it before.

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