Happy Tuesday. Today is March 29, the day when you can officially start hoping that any news story you don’t like is a bad April Fool’s hoax.

HILLARY CLINTON'S CHIEF STRATEGIST Joel Benenson suggested on CNN Monday that Clinton would not debate Bernie Sanders again unless the Senator “goes back to the kind of tone he said he was going to set early on,” back when his campaign office was just one mobile unit that set up outside String Cheese Incident concerts.

TELLING SANDERS AND HIS SUPPORTERS you don’t like their “tone” is a good way to spend the next two to ten thousand hours sifting through searing attacks on your Walmart-worshipping-big-money-Benghazi-Whitewater-Vince-Fostering-your-Paula-Jones-Citizens-United-Sucking ways. And that’s just what Sanders supporters provided.

THE LESSON: If you’re going to skip a presidential primary debate, you should have a really good reason – like that Fox News' Megyn Kelly may be there.

CALIFORNIA HAS BECOME THE FIRST STATE to move toward a $15 minimum wage, and more and more it seems corporate America and their friends in Congress made a big mistake by not taking President Obama up on his offer to raise the federal standard to $9 an hour in 2013.

THE CURRENT MINIMUM IS $7.25, which measured in Subway footlongs is like 1.15 sandwiches – and when adjusted for inflation is at least two bucks less than what the lowest-paid workers earned in 1968, back when there was a middle class that wasn’t shriveling like Donald Trump’s fingers.

AT TEN DOLLARS, California's minimum already towers over the national average and what President Obama wanted. It will become $11 in 2018, and keep going up a dollar a year until it hits $15, or the state falls into the Pacific Ocean.

THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE has “successfully accessed the data stored on Farook's iPhone and therefore no longer requires the assistance from Apple,” according to a filing on Monday in the case of Big Brother v. You Having Any Secrets?

IN OTHER WORDS, A MYSTERIOUS THIRD-PARTY has found a way to get into the work phone of the San Bernardino shooter, which seems to be what the tech giant wanted from the beginning, along with all of your disposable income.

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NO, BERNIE SANDERS IS NOT BUSING IN STUDENTS TO ILLEGALLY VOTE FOR HIM. He’s busing in students to legally vote for him, which is what all candidates besides Bernie Sanders would do if they could find any students willing to vote for them.

HIP TO BE SQUARE—Two Indiana donut shops are feuding over who invented “four-sided donuts,” because if there’s one thing donut consumers have proven, it's that they’re sticklers for originality.

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