Happy Friday. On this day in 1985 the supergroup USA for Africa recorded the song "We Are the World," which was updated during the Bush Administration to be "We're Probably Going to Invade You, Eventually."

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A GOP DEBATE WITHOUT DONALD TRUMP is a lot like a debate with Trump, except you have to listen to more Ted Cruz.

AGAIN, MARCO RUBIO ATTEMPTED to use his child preacher from There Will Be Blood over-religiosity to overcome his lack of accomplishments, plans or the later stages of puberty.

AGAIN, JEB BUSH SEEMED LIKE HE WAS GOING TO CRY every time he thought of Trump. Again, Rand Paul gave one reasonable answer and then spent the rest of the time trying to work in the fun way he says, “Mar-ko.”

BUT IT WAS TED CRUZ'S NIGHT to remind everyone why he’s less popular in Washington D.C. than a wet toilet seat.

THE JUNIOR SENATOR, FORMER DONALD TRUMP APPRENTICE and monster who escaped from a laboratory before he finished baking was the focus of the night, as the billionaire frontrunner skipped the event to host a faux-veterans’ charity event that looked like a DeVry graduation.

ALL IN ALL, THE NIGHT REMINDED AMERICA of what the GOP primary would have looked like without Trump: mostly the same, with a less jittery Jeb and fewer Americans aware that the party is more interested in building a wall against Muslims than keeping lead out of the drinking water.

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EARLIER THIS WEEK IN A TWITTER NERVOUS BREAKDOWN conveniently timed to promote the release of his new album, Kayne West blasted rapper Wiz Khalifa, which is a euphemism for cursing at him in outbursts he soon deleted.

WEST ALSO BROUGHT UP Khalifa’s wife Amber Rose’s past as a stripper. Something he knows because he used to date Amber Rose.

ROSE BLASTED BACK with some tweets about how the rapper enjoys sexual activities involving his rear end that included the hashtag #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch.

AMOROUS ACTIVITY INVOLVING THE BUTTOCKS REGION is apparently bad because it is reminiscent of male homosexual sex, according to people who harbor unfortunate residual prejudices against gay people that America was supposed to have cured by changing our Facebook icon that one time.

AS A TRULY MASCULINE MAN, West understands the only purpose of a rear end is relieving yourself of feces; even wiping is kind of gay.

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THURSDAY'S FINAL UNDERCARD GOP DEBATE did what the GOP undercard debate has done since August: make viewers say, “I guess those other guys are the best they can come up with” and “Legalizing same-sex marriage made Rick Santorum boring” and “This episode of Fox News' The Five really sucks when Geraldo isn’t on.”

CARLY FIORINA HAS BEEN THE CANDIDATE WHO "GRADUATED" to the undercard debates from the main stage mostly by accusing Hillary Clinton of being a lying, unaccomplished failure, which is more or less what Carly Fiorina was fired from HP for.

FIORINA'S BIGGEST MOMENT OF LAST YEAR was when she basically accused Donald Trump of sexism for mocking her face. She then quickly returned to mocking Hillary Clinton.

OF COURSE, FIORINA NEVER SAID ANY OF THOSE THINGS when she was on the stage of the Clinton Foundation back when no one paid attention to what she did.

SOON SHE'LL HAVE THE LUXURY OF THAT KIND OF ANONYMITY AGAIN.

YEP, ONLY FEMALE SENATORS SHOWED UP TO THE SENATE AFTER LAST WEEKEND'S SNOW STORM. But that's only because the Senate wasn't doing anything important like legislating women's bodies.

GOOD FOR THE GANDER—A man hid out in a restaurant until it closed, then ate 6 geese, 3 ducks, and 13 pounds of goose fat. While this sounds like it happened in 1873, it just happened in Prague.