NEWSLETTER #161/ MAY 12, 2019
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FIRE KIM, HIRE BIGFOOT
According to an article in The Drum this week, only 4% of people surveyed trust online influencers. So I cobbled together some actual stats from a few different sources and made a chart. Here's what I came up with...
If you're looking for some really breakthrough, disruptive marketing, I strongly urge you to fire your current influenza -- sorry -- influencer, and hire Bigfoot. He's got four times the credibility of whomever you're currently paying. And he's a lot cheaper than God or Kim.
Sidewalk Sociology Disguised As Research
One of the most laughable and enduring practices of the advertising and marketing industry is making idiotic generalizations about generations. As I've said about a million times, there is as much variation within generations as there is between generations. Anyone who falls for the generational crapola peddled by planners, researchers, and marketing experts is a moron.
Now that we've choked and gagged on millennial bullshit for 15 years -- and they've run out of suckers to sell it to -- our industry has a whole new bag of tripe to peddle: Gen Z bullshit.
For a good laugh, check out this pile of nonsense about Gen Z created by an LA agency. They asked a few Gen Z college kids to make films and keep diaries. According to this gee-whiz PR-slop-disguised-as-journalism from Adweek, they have concluded that...
- they "are vulnerable and risk averse"
- they "really keep their guard up"
- they "are afraid to offend, and they’re generally approval seekers"
- they’re "loath to express their opinions."
- "This generation loves process and imperfection"
- "Having fun and, essentially, letting your hair down goes a long way with this crowd."
All I can say is, are you fucking kidding me? Frankly, I don't care that this infantile nonsense is going to appear in planners' Powerpoints for years to come. The truly horrifying part is that every conference I speak at is going to have some expert on "the future of marketing" spouting this bullshit, and I'm gonna have to smile and listen.
Just For Laughs...
Let's have a look at the "generational" bullshit that was written about Millennials...
“…today's young are committed as was no previous generation to redeeming…social imperfections...This generation has no fantasies…today's youth appears more deeply committed to the fundamental Western ethos—decency, tolerance, brotherhood—than almost any generation since the age of chivalry...they have taken on, willy-nilly, a vast commitment toward a kindlier, more equitable society ...Yet in many ways they are markedly saner, more unselfish, less hag-ridden than their elders.”
Oh, wait a minute...that wasn't written about Millennials. That was written over 50 years ago, in 1967, by Time magazine about it's "Person of the Year" -- today's baby boomers.
All we do is repeat the industry's oldest blather with the industry's newest clichés.
More Stuff to Keep You Anxious and Annoyed
Facebook Founder Says "Break It Up"
- In a major article in the NY Times, Chris Hughes, one of the founders of Facebook, says it's time to break it up. Read it here. Meanwhile, as reported here a few weeks ago, FTC regulators are apparently getting more serious about personally punishing Zuckerberg for his criminal incompetence.
Loudmouth Blogger Does Podcast in Danish
- I really didn't do the podcast in Danish, but I did do it in Denmark with the great Jonas Hemmingsen, CEO, GroupM Nordic. Listen here.
Politics of Whackin' It
- At the Consumer Electronics Show in January, a sex toy for women, the Osé Robotic Massager, was awarded the CES Innovation Award. Then the geniuses at CES, who had gladly accepted money from another company to display sex robots for men, decided to take back the award because -- I don't know -- women should be knitting not jerking off or something. Now justice and even-handedness (sorry) have prevailed and the award has been reinstated -- just in time for Mother's Day. And speaking of crimes against nature, once again last week it was demonstrated that porn rules on line. Of the top eight most-visited websites, three are porn sites. Gore had the web wrong.
It's the The Masturbation Superhighway.
Unlike Web Traffic, You Can't Invent Humans Out of Thin Air
- The great Dr Augustine Fou explains how Silicon Valley and the online ad industry have pulled off one of the most amazing scams of all time -- "...billions of fake accounts, fake users, fake traffic, fake ad impressions...can be manufactured out of thin air to create the appearance of hyper growth. This is necessary to justify the sky-high, irrational valuations of private and public companies..." Read it here.
WARC Publishes Op Ed by Loudmouth Blogger
- Marketing publication WARC asked your intrepid reporter (ok, maybe I'm a little trepid) to write an op ed for an edition they did on data ethics (Hint: there are none.) The piece is called "We Don’t Understand How Dangerous We Are." Read it here.
Spring Break For Losers
As usual, I'm way behind the rest of the world. Spring break was like -- what? -- two months ago or something?
But seeing as it's still technically spring and I'm sick to death of reading, writing, thinking, and speaking about advertising, it's break time for me.
Being retired is way harder work than I ever imagined. So I'm going to take some time off and do whatever the hell it is all the other old fucks do. I'll see y'alls in a few weeks.
