Happy Wednesday. On this day in 1995, Mississippi became the last state to ratify the 13th amendment (which abolished slavery) after accidentally discovering that the Confederacy had lost the Civil War in an AOL chat room.

JUST A FEW WEEKS AFTER he defended his penis size during a presidential debate, Donald Trump is leading the race for the GOP nomination by more than 200 delegates and Marco Rubio, the man who accused Trump of having “small hands,” is out.

TRUMP EASILY WON FLORIDA, Illinois and North Carolina Tuesday night while just slipping ahead of Ted Cruz in Missouri, though he failed to wrap up the primary by losing the state of Ohio to the state’s governor and the voice of exasperated dads at sleepovers everywhere – John Kasich.

THOUGH HE HAS FEWER DELEGATES THAN RUBIO, who just dropped out, Kasich has vowed to carry on to the Republican National Convention where he, Ted Cruz, Mitt Romney and possibly Paul Ryan will try to steal the nomination from Trump, who will certainly have a delegate lead but perhaps not the 1,237 delegates needed to clinch the nomination and summon Gozer to destroy the world.

PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS DECIDED that he’s allowed to follow the Constitution even if Republicans are really mad about it.

THE CONSTITUTION REQUIRES the president to “nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint” Justices of the Supreme Court, so Obama reportedly plans to do just that Wednesday at 11 AM – unless Mitch McConnell can somehow amend the Constitution before then.

IF REPUBLICANS ARE AS SUCCESSFUL at stopping Obama’s nominee as they were at stopping Trump, expect the Supreme Court restored to nine members by the end of summer.

HILLARY CLINTON WON FIVE STATES and a wide majority of delegates in Tuesday’s primaries, bringing despair to that white guy on Facebook you vaguely know from college, who previously only used the social network to seek roommates in his 3-bedroom rental apartment.

HOW CAN HE USE FACEBOOK to gleefully spin last night’s results? Prepare to see re-posts of some old articles about questionable vote counting in Iowa, or links to a Tumblr of bad Hillary hairstyles from the ‘90s.

AS FOR CLINTON, she won Ohio, Florida, and North Carolina, three general election swing states – and dodged a bullet in Illinois despite being saddled with the endorsement of Chicago mayor and human-anvil-sprayed-with-napalm Rahm Emanuel.

DISNEY HAS ANNOUNCED 73-year-old Harrison Ford will return in 2019 for the fifth installment of the swashbuckling Indiana Jones series, tentatively titled Indiana Jones and the Big Studios’ Reluctance to Fund Original Movies.

TOGETHER THE FOUR PREVIOUS INDY FILMS – Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Last Really Good Indiana Jones Movie, Indiana Jones and His Dad Issues and Indiana Jones and, My God, Is That Shia LaBeouf – have grossed more than $2 billion at the box office.

THE MAKERS OF INDIANA V are also hoping to capitalize on the key ingredient in the latest Star Wars’ success – the lack of George Lucas’s involvement.

• John Mulaney Explains the GOP Candidates
• Name the Lackey: Chris Christie, or Smithers From "The Simpsons"?
• LISTEN: CAFE’s Chief Pundit Carl Diggler Calls Into Local Ohio Radio Show

NO, THE FDA HAS NOT BANNED ALL E-JUICE FOR ELECTRONIC CIGARETTES. People are just spreading this rumor hoping the vapers will leave the country.

PUT SOME ANTI-VIRUS ON THAT—Your internet-connected sex toys could be hacked, according to online security experts, which is why you should stick to using a rotary phone for those kinds of activities.

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