Happy Thursday. On this day in 2004, Facebook launched and would go on to revolutionize the way mothers stalk their children.

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AT A CNN TOWN HALL ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT, Senator Bernie Sanders delivered a diss to Hillary Clinton that had been burning up Twitter all day.

“YOU CAN'T BE A MODERATE AND A PROGRESSIVE,” he said, sounding like Larry David arguing with a waiter about a menu item. “They are different.”

THIS IS ACTUALLY A HISTORIC MOMENT for the liberal or progressive or Democratic wing of the Democratic Party — Democrats are trying to out-progressive each other rather than battle to seem like the most acceptable form of Diet Republican.

CONSERVATIVES HAVE BEEN OUT-CONSERVATIVING EACH OTHER since at least 1976 when Ronald Reagan challenged a sitting president. And Mitt Romney’s entire 2012 primary campaign was based on inventing adjectives to describe how supercalifragilisticexpialidociously conservative he was.

AN OLD-FASHIONED PROGRESSIVE-OFF is a tribute to the growing strength of liberalism, which had been successfully smeared by the right as a fetish involving sex with Russian fur hats.

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HERE'S A SHOCKING LESSON FOR BILL COSBY: Some men don’t live up to their word.

IN 2005, MONTGOMERY COUNTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY Bruce Castor promised the then-beloved entertainer that he would never prosecute him in exchange for Cosby’s testimony in a civil suit filed by a former Temple University employee who accused him of assault in 2004.

JUDGE STEVEN O'NEILL SAID WEDNESDAY that the agreement is not binding for the charges filed by the new District Attorney. A chorus of angels reportedly cheered the ruling, but that has not been confirmed.

COSBY CAN STILL APPEAL O’Neill’s ruling.

BUT AS YOU KNOW, he has almost no appeal left at all.

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GOP SENATOR RICK SANTORUM TRIED TO WARN US how this fallen world would never survive same-sex marriage. It would surely lead to entire basketball teams marrying one pure milk maid, horses marrying goats, hipsters marrying their own beards, siamese twins marrying each other...

SADLY, SANTORUM DOVE OUT OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE Wednesday just after finishing 10th in the Iowa Caucuses, which he had won four years before. He’ll return to his life of making Christian movies that seem like parodies of Christian movies.

BUT BEFORE SANTORUM LEFT, he gave us a nice reminder by endorsing Marco Rubio.

RUBIO LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE who would despise Rick Santorum’s repulsively backward views. But in reality, the only difference between Santorum and Rubio is about sixty pounds of oatmeal.

BOTH MEN STILL OPPOSE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE. Both think you should be forced to have your rapist’s baby. Both think climate change is a problem made up by liberals trying to get a good deal on beach homes. Both are aching for war with Iran. Both want ground troops back in Iraq. And both men hate Ted Cruz.

SO WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO SAY IS that even Rick Santorum and Marco Rubio are right about one thing.

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IS SOCIAL MEDIA ACTIVISM AN OXYMORON, or actually the future of change in American politics?

WE MAY BE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.

DERAY MCKESSON, THE 30-YEAR-OLD ACTIVIST who burst into national prominence as @deray on Twitter as part of the #BlackLivesMatter movement, has announced he is running to be the next mayor of Baltimore as a Democrat.

BALTIMORE EXPLODED IN PROTESTS after 25-year-old Freddie Gray was killed in police custody. Days of riots followed and the city saw its highest murder rate per capita EVER in 2015, which explains why Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake isn’t seeking re-election.

“PERHAPS BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN both the impact of addiction and the power of recovery, I hold tight to the notion that our history is not our destiny,” Mckesson wrote in a post announcing his run on Medium, which he then Tweeted.

YES, SOMEONE PROBABLY NOMINATED DONALD TRUMP FOR A NOBEL PEACE PRICE. And someone probably nominated Amanda Humpback, Seymore Taint and Ivana Crotchshot too.

MUNCHING NUMBERS—Americans spent more on legal pot last year than on Doritos, Cheetos and Funyuns combined, which makes sense because pot is actually edible.