Happy Friday. On this day in 1932, Johnny Cash was born, middle-finger first.

WITH 140-MILLION-DOLLAR FAILURE JEB BUSH out of the presidential race, Senators Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz used Thursday’s CNN debate to take his place as the guy who ferociously punches the spray-tanned Teflon tower that is Donald Trump... and then has to ice down a broken hand.

RUBIO BURST OUT OF THE GATE with a forceful defense of “the conservative movement” that must have greatly resonated with whichever National Review editor wrote it for him. He spent the rest of the evening encouraging Republicans to resist their urges to attend Trump University and instead spend their time googling Polish construction workers.

CRUZ, MEANWHILE, DISMISSED TRUMP'S GENERAL ELECTION PROSPECTS, arguing that he’s failed the key criterion of being utterly despised by one’s colleagues. The Texas senator then championed himself as the only candidate who could adequately protect Israel without being able to correctly pronounce its name.

WHEN FILM HISTORIANS LOOK BACK at this weekend's Oscars ceremony, they’ll assume that Creed and Straight Outta Compton must have been made in another year, possibly when segregation was still legal.

CREED — THE UNEXPECTED STEPCHILD of the Rocky series from the acclaimed director of Fruitvale Station — is so good that now people don’t immediately think of that terrible 90s band first when they hear the word “creed.”

FANS LINED UP TO SEE THE FILM, critics loved it and the Academy gave it one nomination... to the one white lead from the film — who had already won an Oscar for playing the same exact role in 1976.

AS OF 2012, ACADEMY VOTERS were 94 percent white and 77 percent male, which means the only thing they’re technically qualified to vote for is Donald Trump.

TRUMP'S PLAN TO BUILD A WALL on our southern border is the perfect metaphor for his campaign: it’s pointless, insulting to a grown-up’s intelligence and he wants Mexicans to pay for it.

AND ON THURSDAY, MEXICO'S FORMER PRESIDENT became the latest person to point this out — and the latest Mexican to be targeted by Trump’s micropenis of an ego.

“I'M NOT GOING TO PAY FOR THAT F***ING WALL,” Vicente Fox told Univision host Jorge Ramos. “He should pay for it.”

TRUMP ALMOST IMMEDIATELY TWEETED that he was outraged that Fox had said a bad word. He demanded the ex-head of state apologize or Trump would take a drastic step — like deprive the nation of the honor of producing his ill-fitting suits.

• The GOP Candidates in Order of Comb-Over Persuasiveness
• Friendly Reminder That Ted Cruz and Kevin Malone Are Secretly the Same Person
• Your Face When Trump Says Nobody Listens to Your Radio Show
• WATCH: Bernie Sanders' Princess Bride Moment

WE CAN’T SAY FOR SURE THAT 20 PERCENT OF TRUMP SUPPORTERS believe slavery should not have ended. But they probably do believe that Gone with the Wind is a documentary.

PICK UP ARTISTS—Slim penguins fall over less frequently when using a treadmill than fatter ones. But fatter ones are better at breeding. This is crucial information if you’re considering mating with a penguin.

Was this good for you? Share it with a friend or sign up at Cafe.com to wake up with all the news you can't possibly live without, in your inbox.

Not yet getting this newsletter?? Sign up now to get the CAFE Morning Shot delivered to your inbox every morning.