Happy Tuesday. On this day in 1819, Queen Victoria was born, experiencing labor for one of the few times in her life.

DONALD J. TRUMP has spent years declaring global warming to be as fake as one of his own “spokesmen,” but he’s reportedly changing his tune now that rising sea levels threaten his oceanfront golf course.

ACCORDING TO REPORTS, Trump fears climate change will flood his course, so he’s attempting to hold back the sea by building a wall – apparently his one-size-fits-all solution to all problems.

BY THE WAY, THE COURSE'S LOCATION? Ireland. If you thought America was the only country Trump was Making Great Again, you’ve been two-timed like you’re Trump's second wife, Marla Maples.

DALLAS MAVERICKS OWNER and billionaire entrepreneur Mark Cuban revealed this week that he's ready to join Hillary Clinton’s ticket as Vice President. Or, if she doesn’t want him, Donald Trump’s. (And probably also Jill Stein’s or Gary Johnson’s or Alan Keyes’ or Kanye West’s or Ted Cruz’s if he comes back...)

THE REALITY TV STAR brings the qualifications of being rich, loud, rude, and self-obsessed, in case either candidate was seeking those traits to round out a ticket.

CLINTON, WHEN TOLD OF CUBAN'S OUTREACH, expressed interest because that’s what Hillary Clinton does. Meanwhile, Trump ignored Cuban and instead tweeted a video of Bill Clinton with a cigar, because that’s what Donald Trump does.

MARY LOU BRUNER is your typical retired 68-year-old teacher in Texas. She hates Common Core, is sick of political correctness and enjoys posting on Facebook about the important issues of the day, like President Obama selling himself to men for sex in order to pay for drugs.

MRS. BRUNER – an unapologetic creationist who believes dinosaurs Noah put on the Ark may have been too young to reproduce –  faces a runoff election today for the Texas State Board of Education, against the more controversial candidate who says religion shouldn’t be taught in school, even if it’s Christianity.

BRUNER LOST SOME SUPPORT recently after citing a list of school statistics in front of a room full of Texas superintendents that were all completely false or invented, suggesting she’s utterly unqualified for the Board of Education yet completely qualified to write Texas’s textbooks.

• The Confusing Logic of the Criminal Justice System
• Trump's Foreign Policy Plan Is Basically the Business Plan the Gnomes on South Park Had
• The Best Line From Elizabeth Warren's Commencement Speech

NO, SEN. BARBARA BOXER DID NOT GIVE BERNIE SANDERS FANS THE FINGER. She was just using a finger to show Bernie’s supporters which percent they think she represents.

YUP IN SMOKE—A Boston company is manufacturing a “Keurig” machine for marijuana, which will deliver vaporized pot in single-dose pods for the few potheads who enjoy filling up landfills.

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