Happy Monday. Today is National Opposite Day when people say the opposite of what is true, only this time they admit it.

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HOLD ON TO THOSE PEARLS, $800 hamburgers and your rigged economic system designed to destroy the middle class by turning it against the poor. Rich people are now taking Bernie Sanders seriously.

A STERN WARNING came in Sunday’s Wall St. Journal, from the editors entitled, “Taking Sanders Seriously” and it contains some serious warnings for rich people, like “WARNING: BERNIE SANDERS ACTUALLY BELIEVES IN STUFF.”

THE PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER wants to raise taxes on the rich, expand Social Security and even tax Wall St. speculation — policies so “extreme” they’re probably more popular than literally skinning bankers.

BUT IF A WALL ST. JOURNAL WARNING LABEL for Sanders isn’t enough proof the rich are quivering, New York's former billionaire mayor Michael Bloomberg is now shining the Bloomberg for President signal into the sky again just to see who salutes.

REMEMBER WHEN 2016 WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SUCH A BORING RACE between a Bush and Clinton that electoral votes were going to be replaced with cats yawning? Well, now capitalists are literally considering running a billionaire, to take out another billionaire, in case a hundred-millionaire can’t pull it together.

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“I COULD STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF FIFTH AVENUE AND SHOOT SOMEBODY and I wouldn’t lose any voters,” Donald Trump actually said in Iowa on Saturday, as his Secret Service detail probably made eye contact to share their silent questioning of their life choices.

ANALYSTS BELIEVE THIS IS TECHNICALLY TRUE. Trump could shoot someone and not lose a Republican vote as long as he didn’t shoot anyone in Iowa, didn’t perform a background check on himself, didn’t shoot ethanol subsidies, didn’t use “amnesty” or “tolerance” as his ammo and didn’t shoot an angry white man who blames his failures on minorities.

MOCKING HIS VOTERS' LOYALTY is the latest sign of confidence from the joke candidate who is suddenly taking politics very seriously.

TRUMP HAS EVEN STOPPED FLYING BACK HOME after his appearances in Iowa and even slept in a Holiday Inn this weekend. (Presumably the bed bugs were afraid they might contract whatever Donald’s hair has.)

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THE AVERAGE AGE OF THE QUARTERBACKS in Sunday’s Broncos/Patriots game was about 38.5. And Denver’s older QB, Peyton Manning, 39, hobbled the junior Tom Brady with a 20 -18 win in Sunday's AFC championship game.

GENERALLY THE ONLY GOOD PARTS OF REACHING YOUR LATE 30s is not caring what kind of music other people like, owning your own stapler remover and being able to order a pizza whenever you damn well please.

THE WORST PARTS OF YOUR LATE 30s is recognizing you could have done those things when you were 16, full-length mirrors, accepting that you’re powerless against a diet soda addiction, having a “business casual” section in your closet and nearing death with your every breath.

IN THE 17 TIMES MANNING HAS FACED BRADY, Brady has gone home with 11 victories and at least that many supermodels. But in their last meeting the elder player prevailed along with everyone who loves to see an impossibly talented and handsome millionaire occasionally deprived of his fondest dreams.

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THE FLINT WATER CRISIS would be Michigan governor Rick Snyder’s own "Hurricane Katrina" — if switching Flint’s water supply were a natural disaster and not a decision that can be traced back to the governor’s office.

YET, DESPITE THE CALAMITY, Jeb Bush felt compelled to salute the CEO-turned-chief executive bungling his most basic duty to protect his constituents.

“I ADMIRE RICK SNYDER for stepping up right now. He’s going to the challenge, and he’s fired people and accepted responsibility to fix this,” Bush said on CNN’s State of the Union.

BECAUSE AFTER A YEAR OF HIS ADMINISTRATION TRYING TO COVER UP a disaster brought on by his unrelenting desire to deliver cuts to the most afflicted cities in his state (so he could afford huge corporate tax breaks), Snyder was called out by Cher and forced to acknowledge that lead is in the water?

WHAT WERE SNYDER'S OTHER OPTIONS? He could have walked up to the Flint River and peed into it. He could have stayed on vacation or just worked on important issues like making it harder to vote. Kudos, Governor!

NO, MCDONALD'S IS NOT GIVING LIFETIME PASSES TO PEOPLE WHO SHARE A SPECIFIC FACEBOOK POST. But it is giving free Type 2 Diabetes to anyone who commits to eating there daily for life.

WHAT THE FLOCK?—A 90-minute police pursuit in New Zealand ended when a shepherd led his 150 sheep into the road. In the hour and a half chase the Honda Integra led authorities across the entire country and through Middle Earth eleven and a half times.