Happy Tuesday. On this day in 1964, the Boston Celtics won their 6th consecutive NBA championship, allowing fans to celebrate in proud Boston tradition: by holding a victory parade and booing star player Bill Russell for being black.

IT'S BEEN LESS than a week since Donald Trump claimed he’d start “acting presidential,” and while introducing a new critique of rival John Kasich on Monday, he showed us just what that means.

“THIS GUY TAKES A PANCAKE and he shoves it in his mouth,” said the tweeting billionaire, disgusted yet coy on where Kasich was supposed to shove that pancake instead.

TRUMP'S NEW CAMPAIGN STRATEGIST, on loan from the finest, most tremendous, world-class dictators of Africa, was supposed to keep him on message. But at this point, it might be wise for the New York tycoon to make like a Trump University plaintiff receiving a settlement check, and stop talking.

AFTER A 20 MONTH SAGA and two trials, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has finally gotten the verdict he wanted: He’s allowed to suspend Patriots quarterback Tom Brady for 4 games for possibly telling a team staffer to deflate footballs during the first half of a game he won by 35 points. Boom!

IN AN ODD POLITICAL TWIST, Donald Trump might benefit from a Brady suspension. The future Hall of Famer would be banned from the league in September – near the height of the general election season – and could hit the trail in support of his blowhard friend.

THEY HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON: a love of golf, a foreign model wife, and a nemesis named Ted (Senator Ted Cruz and lawyer Ted Wells, respectively). Also in common: Zero understanding of the U.S. government.

THE AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION, U.S. Christians’ answer to the Muslim Brotherhood, called on its members to ​boycott Target stores this week, citing the chain’s decision to open its bathrooms to customers of all gender identities.

THE AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION is labeled a ​hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center and has been borderline obsessive about sexuality throughout its four-decade existence.

THE BOYCOTT should send shockwaves throughout the retailer’s 1,793 stores, particularly in departments stocking adult diapers, denture cream, and The Clapper.​

• Here’s How to Solve North Carolina’s Bathroom Issues Once and For All
• In a Better Universe, Carl Sagan Was President
• WATCH: Cruz & Kasich Announce Plan to Lose But This Time… Together!

NO, TED CRUZ'S FATHER IS NOT LINKED TO THE ASSASSINATION OF JOHN F. KENNEDY. He was linked to something far more sinister: the birth of Ted Cruz.

CHOKED UP—Notoriously intense basketball coach Bob Knight is now campaigning for Donald Trump. If Trump can't convince Congress to waterboard terror suspects, maybe they’ll allow him to do the next closest thing: let Knight choke them.

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