Happy Monday. On this day in 1956, Breaking Bad star Bryan Cranston was born with the hairstyle he later made famous as Walter White.

IT'S A BIT LIKE CURING YOUR GOUT WITH SYPHILIS, but Republicans may have a solution to their Donald Trump problem – Ted Cruz.

THE MOST UNPOPULAR SENATOR since the beginning of human emotions surprised almost everyone this weekend by running the table in Kansas and Maine’s caucuses, two states with so little in common that they might as well be Ted Cruz and a typical 45-year-old man.

BY PULLING IN 15 MORE DELEGATES than the frontrunner, Cruz is now within 84 delegates of Trump, whose biggest success of the weekend was improving his already impressive Hitler impression.

BUT EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, Cruz has nearly double the number of delegates Marco Rubio does, even after Rubio won his first primary of the season on Sunday in Puerto Rico, a race Trump and Cruz probably refused to contest because its name would not learn to speak English.

IN AN ACT OF COURAGE so rare in today’s political atmosphere, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders took the debate stage in Flint, Michigan last night and told Democratic primary voters they're against the city's children dying of lead poisoning.

CLINTON WENT ON TO LIST several other brave stances she was willing to take, even if they cost her the party's nomination. Among them: Being against racism, being for jobs, and being willing to look African-American voters square in the eye and give them the hard truth that she absolutely loves Barack Obama and everything he’s ever done.

WHILE THE DEBATE SPANNED MANY TOPICS, it failed to tackle several matters of national import, including Donald Trump’s hand size, Donald Trump’s penis size, Donald Trump’s failed steak business, Donald Trump’s failed mortgage business, Donald Trump’s failed airline, Trump University, Marco Rubio’s height, Marco Rubio’s credit card debt, and boogers that Ted Cruz shoots out of his nose and eats on national TV.

JEB BUSH FACES A HUGE CRISIS that will define how the Republican Party will remember the one Bush who didn’t get to invade Iraq: Who does he hate more: Marco Rubio or Donald Trump?

IF ENDORSEMENTS MEANT MUCH IN THIS RACE, Rubio wouldn’t be on the verge of falling into fourth place. But Jeb’s backing would mean there was some hope of healing this rift and this party, where even the guys who agree with their positions hate Trump and Ted Cruz.

WHEN HIS SUPPORT DISSIPATED to single digits, Jeb tried to take out Rubio, whom he called a "backbench" senator guilty of “cutting and running” on his own immigration bill. He also was secretly dying to point out that Rubio was “not tall enough to ride most of the rides at grown-up amusement parks.”

BUT WHILE JEB'S SUPER PAC spent tons of money attacking Rubio, it actually did less damage to the Senator than two things far more potent: puberty and four minutes on a debate stage with Chris Christie in New Hampshire.

HE'S THE ONLY U.S. PRESIDENT who never waged war and now he has apparently kicked cancer’s ass.

JIMMY CARTER, our first “Born Again” president, teaches Sunday School every week as “conservative Christians” spend the Sabbath mocking his Jesus-like embrace of peace as cowardice.

LAST YEAR THE 90-YEAR-OLD CARTER informed the nation that he had melanomas on his liver and his brain – but after months of special treatment on his brain that included radiation, a recent MRI lasting two hours found no traces of the disease.

CARTER, WHO SERVED IN THE U.S. NAVY for a decade, will continue to receive scans on his brain as he carries on with his normal schedule of writing books, doing charity work and preaching the Gospel like a typical Godless liberal.

• No Surprises Here: Carl Diggler Out-Predicts Nate Silver Yet Again
• A Quick Preview of How Ted Cruz Would Move to the Center in the General Election
• Marco Rubio Has Been Promised This Sticker If He's a Good Boy and Finishes His Campaign

NO, COCA-COLA DIDN’T PRINT A “SHARE A COKE WITH THE KKK” LABEL. Though if it had it might be winning the GOP primary.

GETTING COWED—After a cattleman told his vegan wife to stop naming his cows, she raised enough money online to buy the whole herd. Now they run a cattle sanctuary together and he no longer eats any meat – though he has eaten a ton of crow.

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