Happy Friday. On this day in 1994, Rush Limbaugh married his third wife, just as his fourth and current one was preparing to graduate from high school.

A DAY AFTER SAYING the party’s last nominee for president walks like a penguin and the party’s most prominent Latina is a lazy governor, Donald Trump has clinched the GOP nomination for president – despite a 69-year long record of being Donald Trump.

AFTER CLINCHING 1,237 PLEDGED DELEGATES for this summer’s GOP convention, Trump celebrated his victory by announcing his plan to “cancel” the Paris climate change accord and touting other energy plans presumably found by Googling “White Power.”

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE that the party that blew the surplus, led us into Iraq and let New Orleans drown, could top itself. But, Republicans have finally proven wrong critics who said they couldn’t do worse than George W. Bush.

GOP SENATE LEADER Mitch McConnell used part of Thursday to urge failed presidential candidate Marco Rubio to run for re-election to the Senate – which instantly ranks as the hardest-working morning of the Senate’s 2016 calendar.

BY PUSHING RUBIO TO STAY, either McConnell is praising his collegiality or punishing his inept campaign by making him spend six more years with the likes of senators Jeff Sessions and Ted Cruz.

RUBIO HAS INSISTED that he is retiring and returning to Florida – presumably to take a private sector job that Jeb Bush had once assumed was his.

LOUISIANA HAS PASSED A LAW making the killing of a police officer a hate crime, under the logic that killing is a crime and if you live in Louisiana, you may well hate cops.

NEW ORLEANS HAS STRUGGLED with police corruption worthy of a Denzel Washington movie – so much so that a 2014 Justice Department probe led to the spontaneous resignation of over 500 city police officers.

BUT KILL A COP on the force and you’ll now be treated as if you’d killed an African-American on the basis of race. The only difference is that if you kill a cop, you’ll probably be convicted.

THE OBAMA FAMILY'S much publicized post-presidency home is located in Washington’s Kalorama neighborhood and – in a detail Fox's Sean Hannity couldn’t have written in his wildest wet dreams – just a block from the city’s Islamic Center.

OBAMA HAS LONG BEEN ACCUSED of being a secret Muslim, so his living right behind a mosque could resurrect self-published conspiracy authors hoping to book a segment on Fox News, or (if desperate) Glenn Beck's "The Blaze."

INCIDENTALLY, the house is just blocks from Hillary Clinton’s longtime Washington abode, marking a stunning reversal wherein Clinton leads and another progressive follows.

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YES, DONALD TRUMP’S BUSINESSES DID LEGALLY RECEIVE $150,000 IN FEDERAL GRANT MONEY AFTER 9/11, which makes sense because he’s one of the leading reasons the terrorists hate us.

DEFCON 5 ¼—The U.S. military “still uses floppy disks” to run its nuclear arsenal, which is slightly worrying, since your mom uses more advanced technology to play Candy Crush.

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