Happy Wednesday. On this day in 1932, Al Capone began serving an 11-year sentence for tax evasion, which is like Jeffrey Dahmer going to jail for health code violations.

AFTER OUTSPENDING DONALD TRUMP by more than 5-to-1 in Indiana and calling him a “pathological liar” and a “narcissist,” Ted Cruz lost the state’s primary by more than 15 points Tuesday night, and immediately suspended his campaign.

IN HIS CONCESSION SPEECH, he compared himself to Ronald Reagan and invoked Martin Luther King Jr. – two men who make as much sense together as Ted Cruz and words like "likeable," "president" or "human."

CRUZ'S FUTURE PLANS ARE UNCERTAIN, but he now hopes to spend more time thinking about transgender people peeing.

SEVEN DAYS AGO, Cruz added Carly Fiorina to be his running mate, despite scant political experience. Presumably he was intrigued by her most well-known professional accomplishment of running Hewlett-Packard into the ground.

AND NOW FIORINA has delivered on her reputation in record time. After a week of the itinerant CEO lying, singing, and falling off of stages, the Cruz campaign is no more.

WHILE FIORINA NEEDED five years to cripple HP, a year to derail her own senate campaign, and nine full months to tank her presidential campaign, she needed just one week to run Cruz into the ground – proving the old adage: Practice makes perfect!

BERNIE SANDERS WON the Indiana primary Tuesday night, but in so doing also managed to get mathematically eliminated from winning a majority of pledged delegates for the Democratic nomination.

HOW COULD THIS BE? Because Hillary Clinton also picked up delegates in the close Indiana race, ensuring Sanders will end primary season trailing her.

IT'S LIKE THE SEINFELD EPISODE where George finally snags the best parking space, but then gets his car towed because Jerry had more pledged delegates and a Super PAC.

“HAMILTON,” the smash Broadway hit, won a record 16 Tony nominations Tuesday, plus unofficial accolades like “Best Show Ever, According to Your Co-Worker Who Is Similarly Obsessed With Beyoncé and Adele.”

THE HIP HOP MUSICAL has won rapturous praise from both theater lovers and history buffs (except for exasperated teachers frustrated that everyone now thinks Hamilton was a president).

THE SHOW WILL NOW COMPETE with other Tony nominees like “School of Rock - The Musical,” which was informally nominated for “Most Refunds Issued to Tourists Expecting to See Jack Black.”

• Brutal Accusations Fly About Trump's Father
• Obama Still Trying to Take Your Gun?
• A Picture of the Future If Trump Wins

NO, PRINCE'S VAULT WAS NOT FILLED WITH 37,000 HOURS OF BILLY JOEL COVERS. Those are punishments reserved exclusively for owners of Long Island karaoke bars.

WHAT THE PUNK’D?—A landlord wanted for stealing a dog named Isis took a limo to jail to turn herself in – making her the first rich defendant obsessed with ISIS since Donald Trump.

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