Daily Newsletter June 7, 2016

Happy Tuesday. On this day in 1893, Mohandas Gandhi committed his first act of civil disobedience, beginning a very successful life of crime.

Dems Officially Deem Woman Worthy of Office Once Held By Richard Nixon & Warren G. Harding

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS has projected that Hillary Clinton has clinched the Democratic nomination for president, making her arguably the most accomplished woman in the history of American government, when you consider that Judge Judy is just an arbitrator and Queen Latifah was deposed in a late ‘90s coup.

CLINTON HAS MADE HISTORY considering a century ago, she could not have even voted on account of her gender. Now, her party accepts that a woman just might be worthy of the office once held by Buchanan, Harding, and Nixon.

SPEAKING OF SANDERS, his staffers were quick to dispute the AP’s projection, pledging to remain in the race until the Clinton campaign agreed to meet them at midnight with the unharmed body of Debbie Wasserman Schultz and absolutely no cops.

Republicans Ask Trump To Save His Best Racism For After the Election

REPUBLICANS ARE REPORTEDLYbaffled” by Donald Trump’s continued attacks on the “Mexican heritage” of Indiana-born Judge Gonzalo Curiel, who's hearing a suit against Trump’s fake university. Yet they’re not baffled over how they’re about to nominate a racist who ran a fake university.

GOP STRATEGISTS are disturbed that Trump is actively alienating Hispanics, one of the fastest growing voter groups in America – abandoning the GOP’s long-term strategy of passively alienating one of the fastest growing voter groups in America.

EXPERTS CAN'T FIGURE OUT why Trump is fixated on this case and not defending himself from claims he’s a dangerous buffoon who could start a nuclear war over a retweet. Instead, he’s obsessed with the defining civil rights issue of his campaign: making sure a white billionaire can finally get a fair trial in America.

Clinton Raises Doubts About Her Alleged "Forward Thinking" With Concert Full of Musicians Who Peaked in 2004

DEMOCRAT HILLARY CLINTON, who calls herself “progressive” and incorporates an arrow into her campaign logo, raised questions about her alleged forward thinking on Monday by hosting a concert full of artists who peaked in the late ‘90s and early 2000s.

CLINTON'S "SHE'S WITH US" CONCERT at LA’s Greek Theatre featured headliners Ricky Martin, John Legend, and Christina Aguilera – all of whom topped out in an era when Clinton still liked Donald Trump and opposed gay marriage.

CLINTON'S CONCERT also featured the legendary Stevie Wonder, who embodies the Clinton spirit of being accomplished, a voice for minorities, and safer than a pro-recycling speech on Earth Day.

NO, THE NFL IS NOT BANNING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM AT THE NEXT SUPER BOWL. Why would they do that when they could get Ruffles to sponsor it?

CRINGE BENEFITS—Texas is on pace to set a record for teacher-child relationships. Hey, those kids have to get health insurance somehow.

Alex Jones Warns: Obama Will "Activate the Beyoncés"

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Ziwe Fumudoh
Elias Isquith
Dylan Ris
Jason Sattler
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