Happy Tuesday. On this day in 1896, the first Tootsie Roll was made and it’s technically still edible.

(Credit: Getty Images)

MARCO RUBIO HAS SCORED his first pure victory of the 2016 GOP presidential primary on Monday – by knocking Ted Cruz’s communications director out of the race.

CRUZ'S NOW-EX SPOKESBRO Rick Tyler posted a video on Saturday that alleged Rubio said a bad thing about the Bible, which unlike Muslims, climate science, Planned Parenthood, same-sex marriage and anything Barack Obama has ever done, is something conservatives are never allowed to say anything bad about ever, according to the Bible.

BUT THE VIDEO WAS DOCTORED and Rubio was actually praising the Bible – because taking tough stands that repeat exactly what Republican Primary voters want to hear is what Marco Rubio does – and when the truth about the video emerged, Cruz asked Tyler to step down.

BECAUSE, FRANKLY, lying about his opponents is Ted Cruz’s job.

(Credit: Reuters)

UBER DRIVER JASON BRIAN DALTON was charged on Monday with six counts of murder, two counts of assault with intent to commit murder and eight firearms violations after a shooting spree on Saturday night in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

THIS MASSACRE seems to have marked a turning point toward a new level of apathy in how Americans deal with our now regularly scheduled mass shootings.

THE SUNDAY MORNING NEWS SHOWS didn’t ask one presidential candidate even one question about the tragedy. Politicians barely bothered to send out their “thoughts and prayers” and the media coverage has largely fixated only on the fact that Dalton works for the popular transportation app and is alleged to have actually picked fares up in between killings.

POLITICIANS IN THE POCKET OF THE NRA would rather stick to more pressing problems, like women getting health services at Planned Parenthood or black people voting.

• Uh, Did Donald J. Trump Just Blackmail the Cubs Owners?
• That Time Jeb Nervously Sneezed His Glasses Down the Toilet & 5 Other Big Moments of His Campaign
• WATCH: Woah, the First Draft of Ted Cruz’s Doctored Rubio Video Ends Even Worse!

NO, A NAZI SUB WAS NOT FOUND IN THE GREAT LAKES. But you can get one for only 6 bucks at Subway.

RUFF TRADE—A French man put up a sign that reads "Dogs welcome, bankers banned (unless they pay an entry fee of €70,000)" after bankers refused to give him a loan. To be fair, no dogs were willing to give him a loan either.

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