Happy Tuesday. Today is International Women’s Day, a completely unnecessary day because women are treated so equally they can drive and vote in nearly every country.

HAPPY MICHISSIPPI PRIMARY DAY, when both parties go to the polls in Michigan, and Democrats also cast their ballots in Mississippi.

THE BIG RACE TO WATCH FOR DEMOCRATS is Michigan, where Bernie Sanders has pulled closer over the past week but would likely need a Zootopia-sized turnout of young people to overcome the 5 percent deficit in the closest poll.

CLINTON DISTRACTED FROM SANDERS' ASSAULT on her trade record at the debate in Flint on Sunday night by accusing him of opposing the auto rescue that kept the state’s economy from crumbling like Marco Rubio’s campaign, meaning over and over in increasingly disturbing and unsatisfying ways.

SANDERS SUPPORTED THE BAILOUT and voted for it. He just voted against releasing funds to prop up the auto industry in a bill that tied its funding to the Wall Street bailout – because he is Bernie Sanders and him bailing out Wall Street is like Cookie Monster going on the Atkins diet.

FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE THE TENTH TIME THIS WEEK, former New York City mayor and actual billionaire Michael Bloomberg has flirted with and backed away from running for president of the United States.

BLOOMBERG'S CHARISMA-FREE CANDIDACY never excited anyone except the well-paid people he hired to make fake commercials and pretty maps that somehow showed him beating Bernie Sanders in Vermont.

NOT SINCE RICK MORANIS in the original Ghostbusters has a little guy come this close to summoning the End Times and bringing about the reign of a giant marshmallow man with tiny hands.

THE TRIAL PITTING WRESTLER HULK HOGAN against Gawker is either an historic examination of what constitutes free speech or a pretty amazing peek at what’s going on in the bedrooms of Florida.

THE FORMER PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER, who became famous for spreading the debilitating disease of Hulkamania as the Reagan Administration sat idly by, took the stand in his $100 million invasion of privacy suit on Monday to testify about a sex tape that he claims was made and spread without his consent.

HOGAN SUGGESTED that this was all the result of his trusting a man named Bubba the Love Sponge, a mistake that millions of Americans can identify with.

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NO, THIS PHOTO DOES NOT SHOW A TINY BABY DRAGON. Dragons cannot be photographed, which is why they are so powerful.

IS THIS ON THE TEST?—A Texas woman who once called Obama a gay prostitute on Facebook may soon be in charge of the state’s textbooks. But to be fair, it’s really hard to find a bureaucrat in Texas who hasn’t called Obama a gay prostitute on Facebook.

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