Happy Monday. On this day in 2000, Martin Luther King Jr. Day was officially observed for the first time in all 50 states, only 20 years too late.

(Credit: Getty Images)

DEMOCRATIC FRONTRUNNERS HILLARY CLINTON AND BERNIE SANDERS clashed Sunday night over which candidate already on government health care would be better at giving everyone else insurance.

SANDERS RELEASED HIS SINGLE-PAYER HEALTH CARE "PLAN" just hours before the debate, which will be the last one before the very pale people of Iowa and New Hampshire go to the polls in the snow in one of the greatest possible expressions of American whiteness.

THE PLAN CREATES NEW TAX BRACKETS FOR THE VERY RICH along with some new taxes on the middle class that the Sanders campaign estimates will be less than many families currently pay in premiums. An idea so outlandish and complicated that it has only worked in tiny places like Canada.

SANDERS WANTS TO SKIP OVER THE PUBLIC OPTION and adopt something that resembles Medicare-for-all, which is like trying to dunk from the three-point line, given that any Democratic president is likely to be facing a Republican House that gets frequent flier miles from the Heritage Foundation based on how many Americans it takes health insurance from.

AT ONE POINT, ALSO-RAN CANDIDATE MARTIN O'MALLEY begged for just “10 seconds” to speak but was denied the time because he’s still 12 years away from Medicare eligibility.

(Credit: Getty Images)

“TODAY IS A GOOD DAY,” President Obama said on Sunday morning, quoting the great American poet Ice Cube.

THE PRESIDENT WAS MARKING AN HISTORIC TWENTY-FOUR HOURS during which Iran released six American prisoners and the International Atomic Energy Agency certified that the nation has met the requirements to restrict its nuclear program — which actually exists, unlike Iraq’s nuclear program.

REPUBLICANS WERE SO INFURIATED BY THE NEWS of the prisoner swap and peaceful progress that you’d think Obama had given someone health insurance.

OTHER CONSERVATIVES HAVE ARGUED that this is proof that Obama is coming for your guns — and by “your guns” they mean “98 percent of Iran’s uranium.”

(Credit: National Review)

"THIRTEEN HOURS" — the Michael Bay movie based on the 2012 attacks on U.S. diplomats in #Benghazi, Libya — underperformed expectations as many conservatives reportedly were confused by the film’s title.

SOME THOUGHT THE MOVIE WAS ACTUALLY THIRTEEN HOURS LONG and just featured Hillary Clinton testifying about Benghazi. Others complained that the title did not prominently contain the words "#Benghazi," "American" or "sniper."

ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION, IT'S MICHAEL BAY'S WORST OPENING EVER as a director — though, in fairness, it is his first movie in years to not feature talking robots or Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

LAST WEEK'S GOP DEBATE was in many parts an infomercial for the film, which could have also hurt the grosses as filmgoers feared they may have to sit next to Ted Cruz.

(Credit: Getty Images)

A SHOCKING NEW EXPOSÉ reveals that people care who wins tennis matches enough to break the law.

AS MANY AS 16 TOP-RANKED PROFESSIONAL TENNIS PLAYERS have been involved in match fixing, according to a BBC and Buzzfeed investigation.

THE REPORT DID NOT NAME ANY NAMES, which is fine because you probably haven’t heard of them.

TENNIS'S GOVERNING BODY, THE ATP, downplayed whistleblower accusations that gambling syndicates in Russia and Italy have profited off thrown pro matches at the highest echelons of the sport, including the Grand Slam — which is also the highest echelon of Denny’s breakfast menu.

NO, A NAVY ADMIRAL WAS NOT FIRED FOR REVEALING THAT OBAMA WAS BUYING A HOUSE IN DUBAI. He was fired for looking at porn at work, another freedom Obama is taking from us.

SPELL CHECK YOURSELF—It has been raining for 82 straight days in the Welsh village of Eglwyswrw, sparking fears in the residents that God is punishing them for naming their village Eglwyswrw.