EARTHQUAKE IN ADLAND

Two weeks ago, when I wrote 2017: THE YEAR IT ALL HITS THE FAN, I never expected  the shit would fly this hard or this fast.

An earthquake hit adland last week.

The world's largest advertiser, Procter & Gamble, told the corrupt, fraud-ridden online media industry, and its feckless lapdogs in the agency business, that it had had enough and it wasn't gonna take it any more.

At the annual "leadership" meeting (I use the quotes advisedly) of the Inactive (oops, sorry) Interactive Advertising Bureau, Marc Pritchard, chief brand officer for P&G, told the assembled squids, slugs, and tap dancers that unless they cleaned up their act and adhered to some specific guidelines he laid down they weren't going to get any more P&G money. The great Mark Ritson called it "the biggest marketing speech for 20 years."

Pritchard called online media practices, “murky at best and fraudulent at worst.” 

That's nothing new to us. But it's a whole different thing when it comes from the world's largest advertiser than when it comes from some dumb-ass blogger.

Of course, the question nobody wants to ask is this: Where have the people been who should have been protecting their clients all this time -- where have the agencies been? Where have the 4A's been?

The kindest explanation is that they've been asleep at the wheel. But, please, don't kid a kidder.

Over the years there have been dozens of stories about about corruption, click fraud, traffic fraud, non-transparent practices, kickbacks, walled gardens, misrepresentation of data, bots, plots and what-nots. And not a single one of the revelations has come from the advertising industry. Not one.

They all have come from the press, or clients, or disgruntled former employees, or dumb-ass bloggers.

Pritchard said, "We serve ads to consumers through a non-transparent media supply chain with spotty compliance to common standards, unreliable measurement, hidden rebates and new inventions like bot and methbot fraud..."

Well, amigos, guess who's knee-deep in that non-transparent media supply chain? That's a big reason the Wall Street agency leaders have turned a blind eye, ear, nose and throat.

The unseen hand behind all this is adtech. It is a monstrosity that is teetering on the brink of collapse under the weight of its own insanely counterproductive cost and complexity. The only thing holding it upright is the bewildering ignorance of advertisers and the venality of agency holding companies. But that is a subject for another rant.

The ad industry has spent several decades developing common standards for measurement, standard definitions for transparency, and standard practices for third party verification. But in recent years it has thrown these standards away like infatuated schoolgirls mesmerized by a bunch of fast-talking techno-hustlers who came swaggering in to blind them with pseudo-science.

The ad industry and its clients have demonstrated a degree of gullibility that is beyond explanation. Let's hope Pritchard's speech is the start of something good.

The real test will come when we see what Facebook and Google do. They essentially are the online ad industry. They are also the prime abusers of the tradition of third party media verification, and they have steadfastly kept their chastity belts carefully secured.

Will the advertising and marketing industries join P&G and insist on standards of transparency or will they cave and let the cuties of the online media industry continue to bamboozle them? That's the big question.

The big dog has barked. Let's see what the silly poodles do.

HOW TO WATCH SUPER BOWL ADS

It's Super Bowl Sunday and I'm going to repeat my post of last year, with a few little edits. I have avoided pre-screening the spots, many of which have been available on the web for weeks, because I like to judge them in context.

For the past few years the ad industry has seemed hard-pressed to make memorable Super Bowl ads. Mostly, the best we've been able to do is make spots that look like Super Bowl ads. They are big. They are expensive. They feature celebrities. What they are not is original, sophisticated, or very good.

Below are seven often-used formulas for Super Bowl spots that are likely to pop up this week:

1. Adorable Anthropomorphic Animals: Animals of all kinds either speak or display human emotions. These spots usually turn out to be top-rated by viewers.

2. Go For The Groin: Things hit people in the crotch, people get knocked on the head, or girls with big boobs jiggle 'em. Very popular with the acne crowd, but will probably wane as prudishness lately seems ascendant.

3. Celebrity Out Of Water: A famous person in a fish-out-of-water situation which seemed funny in the conference room but rarely is on the screen.

4. Automotive Adventure: Someone in a car is pursued/challenged/threatened by aliens/spies/evil-doers/cartoon characters. Lots of expensive computer graphics are employed to save the day.

5. Trailer Trash: Movie trailers in which 30 seconds of mayhem, weaponry, explosions, and havoc are employed to promote upcoming films. Later this week, the same morons who created this trash will be testifying before Congress about their hatred of guns and violence.

6. I'll Do Anything For A _______: The hero of the spot does something outrageous to get his hands on the product in question, and is usually comically injured or otherwise humiliated for his effort. These spots are doubly Super Bowl-ish when the hero is an animal or a celebrity.

7. Big Bombastic Bullshit: A drippy tribute to the workers/farmers/servicemen/nurses/mothers/dry cleaners of this great country of ours. I expect a lot of this stuff this year.

and...

8. I also expect a big jump this year in Purpose-driven Puffery. Brands will take the least controversial political issues (all the -isms) and create weepy stories demonstrating their virtuous advocacy.

Keep an eye out for the formulas and let's hope for some terrific spots that break the mold.

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