The Parenting Place's 21 ways to tell your kids that you love them: 

1. Learn a sign language for I love you when in public

2. Take little opportunities to hug, shoulder squeeze, or rest a hand on their shoulder - touch spells love

3. Regularly compliment your child's skills and talents

4. Keep an "all about me" file for each of your child's certificates, reports and player of the day cards

5. Notice when they are worried or tired and offer a listening ear or a foot rub

6. Create a "secret code" between the two of you and send coded messages

7. Take your child to the beach and watch the sunrise of sunset 

8. Make a "welcome home" banner when they return from time spent away

9. Make a hut with rugs and furniture together, then read some stories in the dark by torchlight 

10. Bake and ice a cake to celebrate an ordinary day

11. Turn the lights off one evening and have a candlelit family dinner

12. Write a message on their back with your finger

13. Occasionally buy something at the supermarket that they have mentioned that they really want to try

14. Invent fun and loving nicknames especially for your child

15. Each night before bed ask them to tell you the best thing that happened to them today. Tell them yours

16. Send your child a letter through the mail

17. when they are telling you something , nod, listen and maintain eye contact. Don't use your phone

18. Make your child breakfast in bed

19. Put surprises under their pillow or in their lunchbox

20. Go for a mystery bike ride together keeping the destination a secret

21. Ask them out on a special date - just the two of you

The Brainwave Trust's 7 C's to foster, support and grow within your children so that they are Resilient:

The 7 C's  have been identified as the key ingredients of resilience. Known as the 7 Cs of resilience these are; competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping and control.

• Competence is knowing that you can handle situations well. It comes about through a young person’s actual experiences and the skills they develop along the way. These skills may be gained through many different activities, meeting deadlines, giving a speech, participating in sport or performance activities.

• Confidence is the belief that one is competent. All rangatahi (youth) have strengths and abilities, sometimes called ‘islands of competence’. Adults have an important role in supporting rangatahi to recognise where their strengths lie, and encourage them to develop. Focussing on rangatahi strengths, is more effective in building confidence than pointing out weakness.

• Connection to their family, whānau, and the wider community helps young people have a strong sense of security. As well as building their confidence and competence, these positive connections with adults provide someone for rangatahi to turn to when they face difficulties.

• Having character means rangatahi have a strong sense of right and wrong, enabling them to make wise choices and showing care for others. An example of what this looks like is when they choose to follow the conditions of their Restricted Driver’s license, despite pressure from those around them.

• Through making their own personal contribution, young people gain a sense of purpose and motivation. This might be taking responsibility for household tasks such as mowing the lawns or doing the washing. Or it could be helping in their school, church, cultural or community groups.

• When young people have a range of positive coping strategies, they are less likely to develop unsafe or concerning behaviours when faced with stress. Coping strategies might include knowing who and when to ask for help, or having regular exercise to reduce their stress.

• Rangatahi who realise that they can control the outcomes of their actions are more likely to have confidence in their ability to bounce back from difficulties. They are more likely to work to find solutions to problems they face.

These ingredients are all related to each other, and interwoven into what has sometimes been described as a web. Both individuals and groups, such as whānau and communities, may have strengths in some of these areas, while other aspects may not be as well developed. It can be helpful for parents and other adults to consider how they are supporting and encouraging rangatahi to develop and strengthen their 7C's.

The confessions of a working parent:

Rachel Klaver owns Identify Marketing, which she runs with her husband. They are parents of three teenagers and three dogs and has written a book ‘The Working Mother's Confessional’. Her article in NZ Business Magazine (February 2018) gives 9 tips on how we can juggle work and home:

1. Surviving is a great goal

We all have different levels of coping. Plus we’ve all got different life experiences. I know my years as a single parent were far more difficult to do more than “survive”, than my current marriage with a husband who also works, but shares the load at home. If everything is pretty tricky, it’s important to focus on survival first. This includes being kind to yourself, and being kind to everyone else around you (including your children). If it includes long hours, not enough sleep, and a bucketload of stress, you need to know you will survive this. And sometimes that’s enough. It will pass. It will get better.

2. It’s all about conscious choices

It’s really important to make conscious choices around what you do and don’t do as you work out how to balance work and home. For instance, if you choose not to attend Friday night drinks because you want to be home as a family, you choose to not feel left out on Monday morning if everyone is talking about them. Or, if you choose to skip an assembly at school because you’ve prioritised work over it, then don’t let the ‘guilts’ get you. If you feel pulled in both directions and second guess your decisions you’ll struggle to enjoy either part of your life.  

Make the choices conscious, and you’ll cope better.

3. Take lunch breaks

It’s tempting to skip lunch so you can get home a little earlier. Lunch breaks are great sanity savers. Take yours and take it as a proper break. If it’s fine, walk outside. Remember there’s a world outside your work and your commute. 

4. Put in self-care time

It’s difficult to find the time but it’s very important to squeeze in self-care on top of work and your family. It might be going to the gym, going for a walk on the way home from work, or catching a movie every now and again – whatever it is, it’s essential. If life is just work and family, it’s going to be a hard road. 

5. Ask for, and accept, help

No one (or two) people can do it all. Ask for help when you need it, but even more importantly, accept help when it is offered. No one will parent your children like you do. But children are incredibly resilient and adaptable small humans, and they will most likely enjoy the different experiences this ‘sharing the load’ gives them (and if not, they’ll appreciate you more).

6. Fall in love with the dry run

Change is inevitable if children, work and you are involved. So make sure that with every change, you do a dry run before you actually have to do the real thing. For example, if there is a new school, test out how to get there in time before work, before you’ve got to do it for real. Dry run as much as you can – it helps your children feel more settled and takes away some of the natural increase of anxiety on the first day of anything. 

7. Don’t fall into insta-comparisons

It’s so easy to flick through Instagram and Facebook posts and feel completely deflated as a working parent. Unless you love it, you don’t have to spend all weekend making the best theme party of the year! Do what you are happy to do, and stop looking at how other parents compare. You don’t know how little they’ve done this week, or what else they’ve missed out on to get that perfect shot. 

8. Chores make the child

Don’t be afraid of sharing the home jobs with your children. Even two year olds can help put away their toys at the end of the day. Take time to teach your children how to clean and cook as they grow. By the time they are teens, they’ll be able to cook at least once a week, and clean the house. (We started paying our children to clean the house after the last cleaner left. Was the best idea ever! But the work has to be of a high enough standard to get paid!)

9. Consider the group duvet day

If one child is sick and it’s the beginning of the flu season, take a sick day and make EVERYONE stay home for the day. The sick child has rest, but so do all of you – and often this is enough to give you all a little bit more strength and rest to improve your chances of all staying healthy. Make it a duvet day (and catch up on some Netflix).