Happy Wednesday. Today is Cuddly Kitten Day. At least that's what my cat said when I had to clean out his litter box this morning.

AS DONALD TRUMP LEARNED HE WON the winner-take-all Arizona primary while losing far-more-polite Utah on Tuesday night, the billion-dollar baby reacted to an internet post featuring his wife Melania, a former model, with his most telling spasm of the campaign.

A FACEBOOK AD RUN BY AN OUTSIDE GROUP featured the third Mrs. Trump modeling nude on top of either a mink fur or a strangled Muppet – so in response, the GOP frontrunner tweeted a threat to “spill the beans on” Ted Cruz’s wife, which is either an attempt at blackmail or a promise to commit legume-related assault.

“PIC OF YOUR WIFE NOT FROM US,” Ted Cruz’s Twitter account responded. “Donald, if you try to attack Heidi, you're more of a coward than I thought. #classless.” The spat is getting so heated it could be the messiest Trump divorce yet.

IF A NATIONAL DEMOCRAT CLAIMS VICTORY in ultra-conservative Utah, Arizona, or Idaho, you know one thing is for sure: It must be the primary.

WHICH EXPLAINS HOW HILLARY CLINTON WON ARIZONA Tuesday night, propelled by voters who want their daughters to have a better political role model than ex-Gov. Jan Brewer, whose main accomplishments were being leathery and making Sarah Palin seem literate by comparison.

FOR HIS PART, BERNIE SANDERS steamrolled Clinton in Idaho and Utah, whose Mormon voters made clear his Jewish faith was not a problem, since he can easily be baptized after he’s dead.

A DAY AFTER THREE BOMBS EXPLODED in Brussels, 30 people are dead, another 230 are injured and one person is under arrest.

BY TARGETING THE CITY that acts as the capital of the EU, ISIS is driving a stake into the heart of the continent’s attempts to act cohesively in the face of several intermingling crises that have sparked racism, dissension and vitriol – a combo known in the U.S. as a Republican presidential primary.

MEANWHILE, POLITICIANS ON BOTH SIDES of the aisle here called for increased surveillance and enforcement of visa laws. Republican candidate for president Ted Cruz called for carpetbombing, which is also known as “the thing that created ISIS.”

FORMER ALASKA GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN has been appointed to become the next Judge Judy, starring in a TV court show that will allow her to weigh in on the weightiest matters of the day – like “I sold my mom’s dentures and she wants some of the profits” or “Am I technically the dad just because the child was conceived in my Ford Tempo?”

SINCE SHE QUIT HER LAST REAL JOB on July 4, 2009, Palin has meandered in and out of a gig at Fox News, where she was finally fired in 2014, likely for delivering blunt brain trauma to the person assigned to do her closed captioning. She also has launched a pair of failed reality shows, proving it’s easier to move into GOP politics from reality TV than vice versa.

DEMOCRATS OBJECTED TO THE NOMINATION IMMEDIATELY, saying we should wait for the next president to be elected, so the American people can make such an important appointment.

• The "Difference" Between What Happened in Brussels and What Happened in Newtown
• To Everyone Calling Barack Obama's Photo in Front of the Che Guevara Mural an Endorsement of Terrorism...
• Bernie Sanders FTW

THIS PICTURE OF PRESIDENT OBAMA POINTING TO A NUDE PHOTO OF DONALD TRUMP is a fake. Donald Trump’s hands obviously aren’t that big.

DID YOU PACK THIS YOURSELF?—A flight attendant tried to get 70 pounds of cocaine through a TSA checkpoint at LaGuardia airport and then fled when the drugs were discovered. Some people will do anything to avoid those airline fees.

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