Happy Friday. On this day in 1973, the Supreme Court ruled 7-2 in Roe v. Wade that women can make their own basic reproductive decisions, unless they're poor or live in the wrong state.

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THE REPUBLICAN PARTY TODAY is dominated by the Koch Brothers — and a bunch of Gen Xers like Paul Ryan and Rand Paul whose first sexual experiences involved The Fountainhead, Murray Rothbard and gold.

IT IS LITTERED WITH well-armed half-wits, conspiracy theorists and people who think gay people are ruining Christmas. Now many of these people think that Donald Trump is a threat to the intellectual dignity of the conservative movement.

THAT'S WHY THE CONSERVATIVE "NATIONAL REVIEW" today has gathered a few dozen glimmering lights of the right like Glenn Beck to offer sternly written letters explaining why they are against Trump. The Editors of the magazine called him a “menace to American conservatism.”

"TRUE" CONSERVATIVES ARE FOR TED CRUZ because they know he’ll appoint Supreme Court justices who will reverse Roe v. Wade and will possibly get rid of Social Security, Medicare and maybe even salad spit guards.

THEY FEAR TRUMP COULD APPOINT ANYONE TO THE COURT, from Gary Busey to Omarosa to someone with no discernible ideology or scruples whatsoever. Someone exactly like Donald Trump.

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KATHRYN SMITH has just become the first full-time female coach in the history of the NFL. Can you imagine who is not taking her hire by the Buffalo Bills well?

“FOOTBALL IS ABOUT PHYSICAL ADVANTAGE. [Women] are at a loss when it comes to the reference points of football,” male sports radio host Kevin Kiley explained, getting all deep and scientific.

BUT THERE'S ANOTHER ISSUE: Smith is putting a man out of work. Actually, two men. There’s the coach whose job she took and now possibly radio host Kevin Kiley.

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JONAS — THE NAME OF THE BIGGEST STORM THIS WINTER and the most eponymous Weezer song of 1994 — is heading toward the East Coast. Yep, a huge chunk of the whole East Coast.

“ABOUT 75 MILLION PEOPLE are in the storm's path, with nearly 30 million under blizzard watches or warnings,” CNN reports giddily.

AS OF FRIDAY MORNING the storm was already touching New York to the north, Raleigh to the south and Nashville to the west and greatly resembled the Carolina Panthers logo, according to the CNN Storm Tracker.

AS MUCH AS TWO FEET OF SNOW could fall in major cities, doubling the 12 Inches of Snow produced by Canadian rapper Snow in 1993.

IF YOU'RE IN AN AREA LIKELY TO BE AFFECTED, check in on those elderly neighbors who will have to endure this without the luxury of Netflix streaming or even their parents' HBO password.

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MILEY CYRUS IS ONLY TWENTY-THREE and she’s been famous for as long as we’ve been at war in Afghanistan.

BUT UNLIKE THE THIRTEEN-YEAR OLD WAR IN AFGHANISTAN, Miley’s career has some real possibility of ending.

NOW SHE'S MAKING NEWS for officially wearing a Neil Lane engagement ring from Liam Hemsworth, a 25-year-old Australian actor famous for being so hot he literally melts seat belt buckles.

“IT MIGHT SEEM SUDDEN, but they have been very close for the past few months. They just wanted to keep their relationship out of the spotlight while they figured things out,” a source told Hollywood Life. “Liam never liked how exposed his life was with Miley.”

HE'S ONE OF THOSE FORMER SOAP STARS who got into acting for the anonymity.

NO, BERNIE SANDERS PROBABLY DID NOT MARCH WITH MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. IN SELMA. This handsome young hipster did.

CHECK YOUR MATE—Saudi Arabia’s grand mufti has ruled that chess is forbidden by Islam because it's a waste of time that could lead to dangerous activities like women driving.