Trauma and how to manage
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Understanding and Managing Trauma
Following a deeply disturbing or threatening event, or trauma, it is normal to feel distressed and overwhelmed. Traumatic events include actual or threatened death, serious injury to oneself or another person, or a threat to the personal beliefs of oneself or others.
This newsletter is going to look at ways we can all seek to overcome trauma experienced on any level or help others - following the 15th March Christchurch incident that affected us as a nation.
The most commonly reported reactions to trauma are:
https://thiswayup.org.au/how-do-you-feel/traumatised/
- Anxiety or fear of danger to self or loved ones, being alone, being in other frightening situations, having a similar event happen again.
- Avoidance of situations or thoughts that remind you of the traumatic event.
- Being easily startled by loud noises or sudden movements.
- Flashbacks where images of the traumatic event come into your mind suddenly for no apparent reason, or where you mentally re-experience the event.
- Physical symptoms such as tense muscles, trembling or shaking, nausea, headaches, sweating, and tiredness.
- Lack of interest in usual activities, including loss of appetite or interest in sex.
- Sadness, feelings of loss, or aloneness.
- Sleep problems, including getting to sleep, waking in the middle of the night, dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event.
- Problems with thinking, concentration, or remembering things (especially aspects of the traumatic event).
- Preoccupation with thinking about the trauma.
- Guilt and self-doubt for not having acted in some other way during the trauma, or for being better off than others, or feeling responsible for another person’s death or injury.
- Anger or irritability at what has happened, at the senselessness of it all, at what caused the event to happen, often asking “Why me?”.
10 Tips for Helping Children Cope with Disaster
After a disaster, parents, teachers and caregivers look for advice on how to help children cope with the after-effects. These 10 tips from Save the Children’s emergency response experts can ensure that children get the support they need – well after the disaster is over.
- Limit TV time.
TV images and reports may be confusing and frightening for children. - Listen to your children.
See what they know – or understand – about the disaster before responding to their questions. Children can experience stress when they don’t understand dangerous experiences. Try to identify your children’s fear of disasters. Then, talk to them to help ease their concerns. - Give children reassurance.
Let them know that that adults are doing everything they can to protect them. Be sure they know that if an emergency occurs, their safety is your main concern. Children should know they’re being protected. - Be alert for significant changes in behaviour.
Caregivers should be alert to any significant changes in children’s sleeping patterns, eating habits, and concentration levels. Also watch for wide emotional swings or frequent physical complaints. If any of these actions do happen, they will likely lessen within a short time. If they continue, however, you should seek professional help and counseling for the child. - Understand children’s unique needs.
Not every child will experience a disaster in the same way. As children develop, their intellectual, physical and emotional abilities change. Younger children will depend largely on their parents to interpret events. Older children and adolescents will get information from various sources, such as friends and the media. Remember that children of any age can be affected by a disaster. Provide them all with love, understanding and support. - Give your children extra time and attention.
Children need attention to know they are safe. Talk, play and, most importantly, listen to them. Find time to engage in special activities with children of all ages. - Be a model for your children.
Your children will learn how to deal with these events by seeing how you respond. The amount you tell children about how you’re feeling should depend on the age and maturity of the child. You may be able to disclose more to older or more mature children but remember to do so calmly. - Watch your own behaviour.
Make a point of being sensitive to those impacted by the disaster. This is an opportunity to teach your children that we all need to help each other. - Help your children return to a normal routine.
Children usually benefit from routine activities such as set eating times, bedtime, and playing with others. Find out you’re your children’s school is will return to normal hours. Ask teachers or counselors how much time will be dedicated to discussing the disaster in an age-appropriate way. - Involve children in volunteer work.
Helping others can give children a sense of control and security and promote helping behavior. Include children in volunteer activities (once it is safe to do so). Helping people who are in need can bring about a positive outlook.
How to Deal with your own Trauma
How to Deal with an Acute Stress Reaction?
- Safety first! If the traumatic situation is ongoing, get some help to make yourself safe. You may need some help in finding a safe place to stay.
- Talk with someone you trust about what happened.
- Talking with family and friends may also be good. Support and understanding at a difficult time can be very helpful. You don’t have to face it alone.
- Know that how you are feeling is very normal for someone who has been through a traumatic event.
- Give yourself time. Know that the way you are feeling will not last, and by dealing with the fears and thoughts, you will be able to get on with life. Be kind to yourself.
- Accept that it might take a bit of time to adjust.
- Spend time doing nice things – relaxing, going for walks, visiting beautiful places, seeing friends. Plan to do nice things each day.
- It will be important to confront situations associated with the traumatic event… but do it gradually. You may decide to go back to work, but go just for a few hours at first and then build it up slowly.
- Don’t use drugs and alcohol to cope. They will only make it worse. Try to find other ways to relax.
5 ways to practice mindfulness when busy / feel like you are overloaded with other things (eg: supporting others who have been through trauma):
1. Start your day with a pause
2. Savour your morning coffee
3. Take a mindful walk
4. Practice eating with gratitude
5. Slow down before you sleep
Good things to say to someone when something terrible happens:
Don't say:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“This too shall pass.”
“Just look on the bright side…”
“God has a plan.”
“I know how you feel.”
“He’s in a better place now.”
“This could be a blessing in disguise.”
“Something better is around the corner.”
Although these statements sound good in theory, they rarely do much to help the other person feel better. Instead, it often minimizes the other person’s pain and does little to connect with how he or she is feeling.
Do say:
1. Acknowledge their pain:
“I’m sorry you are going through this.”
“Wow, that really sucks.”
“I hate that this happened.”
“That must be hard.”
“That sounds really challenging.”
“I can see how that would be difficult.”
2. Share how you feel:
“Wow. I don’t know what to say.”
“I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”
“I wish I could make it better.”
“My heart hurts for you.”
“It makes me really sad to hear this happened.”
3. Show gratitude that the person opened up:
“Thank you for sharing with me.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this. That really means a lot.”
“This must be hard to talk about. Thanks for opening up to me.”
4. Show interest.
“How are you feeling about everything?”
“What has this been like for you?”
“I want to make sure I understand…”
“What I’m hearing is that you are feeling ____. Is that right?”
“Is there anything else you want to share?”
5. Be encouraging.
“You are brave / strong / talented.”
“You matter.”
“You are a warrior.”
“I’m in your corner.”
“I love you.”
“I’m proud of you.”
6. Be supportive.
“I’m here for you.”
“How can I help you?”
“What do you need right now?”
“I’m happy to listen any time.”
“I would like to do _____ for you.”
The reality is that there is no script for empathy. It’s less about what you say and more about showing up and listening well.
Helping someone who has been through trauma
- Spend time with the stressed person, without judging or demanding. Their recovery will occur in its own time.
- Offer support and a listening ear. Talking is one of the best things they can do to work things out – but they may need to go over things many more times than you expect. Try to be interested in what they want to say – avoid giving advice or trying to solve the problems. The talking itself is important and helps to make it fade. Remember though, this is likely to happen at their pace, not yours.
- Help with practical tasks and chores as this enables more of their energy and time to be given to the recovery process.
- Give them time, space and patience – don’t take it personally if at times they are irritable, bad tempered or want to be alone. These are a natural part of the stress response and will pass as they recover.
- Don’t try to talk them out of their reactions, minimise the event or say things like ‘you’re lucky it wasn’t worse,’ or ‘pull yourself together,’ or try to get them to look on the bright side. Stressed people need to concentrate on themselves at first – they’ll feel supported if you let them know you are concerned, want to help and are trying to understand. They’ll see your viewpoint as they recover.
End Of The Day
Acknowledge the work done - jot down what needs to be a priority in the morning
Celebrate your success - look at what you have achieved not just what has not got done.....
Be Thankful - think of 3 of the best things that happened today however small. Remember them when you are going to sleep.
EAPworks is available to you for support or assist in giving strategies to manage a situation...
If you or workplace need some coaching or support, give us a call on 0800 SELF HELP - 0800 735 343.
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