Happy Friday. On this day in 1954, Roger Bannister became the first human to run the mile in under four minutes (who wasn’t being chased by something).

HOUSE SPEAKER PAUL RYAN made waves on Thursday by declaring he's "not there right now," when asked if he could endorse fellow Republican Donald Trump for president.

RYAN'S SLIGHT COMES as Trump will also not be endorsed by either President George Bush – even the terrible one.

WHICH MEANS DONALD TRUMP'S greatest accomplishment may be managing to turn his party’s Speaker of the House and only living presidents into swing voters.

MITT ROMNEY HAUGHTILY DECLARED Thursday that he’s skipping the Republican National Convention, essentially to protest the nomination of Donald Trump. Romney, a moderate in today’s Republican Party (read: to the right of Reagan but to the left of Timothy McVeigh), had endorsed Ted Cruz in the primary.

AND THEN... NOTHING HAPPENED. Republican voters ignored Romney like he was a starving Syrian in a detention camp, and Cruz dropped out to resume his day job of trolling Mitch McConnell.

WILL VOTERS CARE about Romney's latest gambit? We'd say it's unlikely, as his relevance is more miniscule than ever before. (Seriously – we’re talking Donald-Trump’s-Hands miniscule.)

MAINE GOVERNOR PAUL LEPAGE revealed Thursday that he wants a role in Donald Trump’s cabinet.

LEPAGE HAS BEEN CALLED “the racist man’s Chris Christie,” but to be fair, that’s only because he’s rude, fat, and in love with Trump. LePage does make sense as a national GOP leader, though.

HIS WARNING that asylum seekers are bringing the "Ziki Fly" to Maine would make him perfect for Secretary of Health & Human Services – while his declaration that white Maine women will be attacked by brown men "named D-Money" pre-qualifies him to be Trump's Attorney General.

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NO, PRESIDENT OBAMA ISN’T TRYING TO REPLACE THE BALD EAGLE WITH THE BISON. But that does sound like a menu change at the Outback Steakhouse.

FEELING BERNED—A North Carolina tow truck driver refused to give a woman a tow because her Bernie Sanders sticker meant she was “obviously a socialist.” He then drove home on the freeway he had obviously built with his own money.

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