Happy Thursday. On this day in 1998, the first "National Sorry Day" was held in Australia, with reconciliation events held all over the country. In Canada, a similar event is known as “Monday.”

THE STATE DEPARTMENT INSPECTOR GENERAL announced Wednesday that Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server was “not an appropriate method” and in fact was the most inept use of the internet since Ted Cruz forgot to register TedCruz.com or your grandpa wrote you a message on his own Facebook wall.

THE REPORT ALSO IMPLICATED other State officials, including former Secretary Colin Powell, who hilariously sent emails via an AOL account (which, if he’s like other AOL users, means he probably shared the account with his wife).

CLINTON'S PRIVATE EMAIL SERVER was partially arranged by aide Huma Abedin, who is also the wife of Twitter sexter Anthony Weiner, and could probably singlehandedly make a compelling argument for ending online communication altogether.

FORMER PROSECUTOR and (still, as of press time) Baylor University president Ken Starr made his name by turning an investigation into the Clintons' Whitewater real estate deal into an issue of Penthouse Forum, getting Bill Clinton impeached in the process.

BUT A NEW REPORT reveals Starr only seems to find sex scandalous when the woman consents and the man is no good at football. Because when it comes to his star Baylor athletes allegedly raping women, Starr apparently had no problem with it.

CONSEQUENTLY, STARR IS ON THE VERGE of being fired from Baylor. No word yet on whether Bill Clinton will smoke a cigar in celebration.

DONALD TRUMP'S MOUTH may have written a check that he’ll cancel before Bernie Sanders can cash it.

ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE on Wednesday night, America’s Putin with a weave agreed to debate the Senator from Vermont as long as proceeds go to charity – and by “charity” he probably means "Donald Trump," a charity venture supported by the generosity of Americans who actually pay taxes.

SANDERS IMMEDIATELY AGREED to the debate over Twitter. After years of ranting against billionaires, Sanders could finally have the chance to get a little spittle on one.

THIS PAST WINTER, Donald Trump bullied Jeb Bush out of the presidential race, stopping just short of stealing the Super PAC money that Bush’s parents had given him to buy school lunch.

NOW HE WANTS AN ENDORSEMENT. “He will get a burst of energy, and he will do it,” declared the tweeting tycoon, recalling the way he managed to single out Jeb for “low energy” on a stage that also included Ben Carson.

FOR THOSE WHO SAY Trump can never win Bush over by poking at his weaknesses until he’s traumatized, we have two words: Chris Christie.

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NO, SMOKING IN A CAR WITH A CHILD IS NOT ILLEGAL. Lawmakers are parents, too.

FIRST CLASS—A passenger taped a video of an “erratic” woman screaming and removing her clothes on a Frontier Airlines flight. The airplane had to be turned around, but the video is now the second most popular show on the CW.

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