Happy Friday. On this day in 1861, the Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and Bars" flag and it’s been treasured by adoring fans of "liberty" (and slavery) ever since.

AFTER MONTHS OF SLASH-AND-BURN MARAUDING through the political landscape, Donald Trump was forced to stand center stage at the Detroit Republican Debate last night and face the Americans he has hurt the most: Fox News employees and their ratings.

EXPOSED ON THE STAGE OF DETROIT'S FOX THEATER, Trump had nowhere to hide as Megyn Kelly, Chris Wallace, and 1950s file footage lookalike Bret Baier teed up other candidates to attack him on his failed steak business, his failed university, his donations to Democrats, and, um, his general anatomy.

RUBIO INVOKED DEFRAUDED ALUMNI of Trump University whose tuition bills were almost as high as Rubio’s own credit card debt. And Ted Cruz claimed that tapes of an off-the-record discussion at the New York Times would shamefully reveal that Trump isn’t half the racist that Cruz is.

FOR THE FOURTH TIME in eight years, Mitt Romney is managing to lose the presidency somehow.

THE FIRST TWO TIMES MITT RAN FOR PRESIDENT in 2008 and 2012 he made it official. He printed up cheap swag, took the time to change all his opinions to sync up with Rush Limbaugh and lost the old-fashioned way – by getting fewer votes than his opponents.

ON THURSDAY, ROMNEY DID HIS BEST John Oliver impression with a Trump takedown that warned that Republicans had to stop Trump or risk turning over the country to an egomaniacal neophyte with no sense of propriety or even Dick Cheney to guide him.

DESPITE HIS DIRE WARNING, Romney did not endorse a Republican candidate to defeat Trump, because there is no Republican candidate who can beat Trump. That’s the whole problem, in case he just woke up from a nap that began at Christmas.

THE FINAL EPISODE OF DOWNTON ABBEY is set to air in the U.S. this Sunday, right before the veneer of aristocratic perfection would be spoiled by women getting the right to vote and poor people getting phones and cars that free them from the virtual servitude of needing a good reference from their employer.

THE IDEA THAT THE BRITISH NOBILITY circa 1925 wasn’t a bunch of dim, inbred soul zombie vampires is certainly appealing, as is their casual interest in the servants who appear to actually enjoy emptying their chamber pots.

BUT THE PAST THAT DOWNTON ABBEY MADE SO ENJOYABLE never really existed. Our fantasy of it says more about our time, than it does about theirs.

• We're Willing to Bet Anything This Will Actually Happen Under a Donald J. Trump Presidency
• GUEST COLUMN: Trump Fans, Please Lower Your Country Music So We Can Discuss Marco Rubio
• CAFE Infiltrates CPAC (And Takes All Their Free Stuff)

SORRY, MARCO RUBIO. SCIENCE CONFIRMS there's no correlation between Donald Trump's hand size and his penis size. Also sorry to all of you for whatever images just flashed through your imagination.

WHAT ARE YOU GUANO DO?—Bird poop reportedly led to the shutdown of a nuclear reactor outside New York City, which is a good thing to think about whenever you imagine some grand conspiracy ruling the world.

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