Happy Wednesday. Today is World Math Day, which is called World Maths Day by the rest of the world who can’t count.

SUPER TUESDAY HAS COME AND GONE, and it was a wild affair filled with bluster, suspense, and – unless you’re Ben Carson or John Kasich – victory.

THE BIG DELEGATE WINNERS were Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, who each took home a lion’s share. (Specifically for Trump, a gold-plated lion on a marble pedestal that plays Andrew Lloyd Weber songs.)

CLINTON DID PARTICULARLY WELL in Georgia, Alabama, and Texas – classic red states – while the Bernie Sanders strongholds – Vermont, Minnesota, Colorado – were what you might call White states.

MARCO RUBIO'S SUPER TUESDAY STRATEGY boiled down to one major tactic in the final days of the campaign: telling "small penis" jokes about Donald Trump. And while 10 of 11 Super Tuesday states were not sufficiently moved by those penis jokes, one state actually was – be proud, Minnesota!

FOR THE SECOND TIME SINCE HE BECAME SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE, Paul Ryan had to remind his party’s likely presidential nominee not to be so racist.

“IF A PERSON WANTS TO BE THE NOMINEE of the Republican Party, there can be no evasion and no games,” Ryan said, referencing Trump’s reluctance to condemn the white supremacists who love him like he’s a fresh white sheet and whom he accidentally retweets on a regular basis.

JOINED BY SENATE MAJORITY LEADER MITCH MCCONNELL, Ryan then showed how sincere his anger and disgust is by stating that his “plan is to support the nominee” even if it’s Trump or presumably even David Duke, we guess, because loyalty to party is more important than having an actual country.

CHRIS CHRISTIE SHOULD RESIGN and pursue a career in polishing Donald Trump’s behind full-time.

THAT'S THE OPINION OF SIX NEWSPAPERS in New Jersey who were disgusted to be reminded Christie was still their governor after Trump accepted his endorsement and then sent him home to get his shine box.

THE EDITORIALS NOTE that Christie spent 261 days outside of the state in the last year, which means he’s New Jersey’s least popular touring act, trailing behind Trenton’s famed Bon Jovi cover band “Jon Bovi.”

AND THIS WAS BEFORE CHRISTIE HUMILIATED HIMSELF by dutifully introducing "Mr. Trump" at a Super Tuesday victory party last night like he was a hostage forced to prove to his family that he was still alive.

IT'S A STUNNING REBUKE to anyone who says that the only way to see the greatest band on earth is to spend an average American’s monthly salary and head to the local superdome.

THE ROLLING STONES WILL PLAY A FREE CONCERT in the Ciudad Deportiva de la Habana on Friday March 25, fulfilling many leftists’ worst fears that the west’s most profitable franchises would soon infest the island.

“WE HAVE PERFORMED IN MANY SPECIAL PLACES during our long career but this show in Havana is going to be a landmark event for us, and, we hope, for all our friends in Cuba too,” said the guy the Rolling Stones hired to write things Keith Richards would never have said in a statement.

FINALLY, OUR VERY OWN SATIRICAL PUNDIT CARL "THE DIG" DIGGLER is getting the recognition he deserves for his brilliantly insightful predictions of this year's primary elections. In a big new profile on CAFE, the comedy site SplitSider writes:

"THE NICHE SATIRICAL POLITICAL COLUMNIST CARL DIGGLER has settled into a fun one-sided rivalry with 'data-driven' political analyst Nate Silver — the natural O’Reilly to Diggler’s Colbert — and has actually proven to be a more accurate forecaster of election results than the guy he is making fun of."

IN ADDITION, THE PROFILE SAYS: "That’s right, after many many attempts, finally, an Onion knock-off news satire website has started to be…good."

Click the button below for the complete story of The Dig's genius.

• Another Big Night for Marco Rubio!
• Donald Trump's Terrifying Bedtime Reading
• Did Carl Diggler Out-Predict Nate Silver Once Again?

NO, DONALD TRUMP HAS NOT PLEDGED THAT HIS “FIRST ACT AS PRESIDENT” will be to rename New Mexico. He needs it around because it’s his backup option for who will pay for his wall.

WHAT THE MONSTER HAS BROUGHT TOGETHER—Your marriage can now be officially recognized by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But only if you go to New Zealand, as the Flying Spaghetti Monster intended.

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