Happy Monday. Today is Freedom Day, the 151st anniversary of the day Abraham Lincoln sent the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery to the states, like some big showoff.

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AS WE HEAD INTO THE FIRST VOTING OF THE 2016 ELECTION — in a sparsely populated state with an electorate whiter than Jeb Bush eating a sriracha and bologna sandwich doing the Macarena — get ready for a full day of hearing something you already know: The Iowa caucus all comes down to turnout.

YOU SEE, THAT'S HOW ELECTIONS WORK: people have to show up. Google it!

AND IN IOWA FOR THE CAUCUSES, you have to show up for several hours on a nipple-cracking Monday night no matter what, even if it could be covered in a blizzard by 9 PM.

DONALD TRUMP REGAINED A FIVE-POINT LEAD in the last Des Moines Register poll and is slightly favored by FiveThirtyEight to win the GOP contest despite also leading in the category of the candidate most Republicans say they wouldn’t support.

HILLARY CLINTON HAS A SLIGHTER LEAD AMONG DEMS of three percent but is a stronger favorite according to FiveThirtyEight using its "polls plus" model, which also factors in endorsements, national polls and things the Long Island Medium said on last night’s episode.

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APPARENTLY AMERICA REALLY LIKES watching professionals perform musicals that we skipped in high school on television so we can comment on them via social media as if we're still in high school.

AND ON SUNDAY NIGHT, Grease got its turn.

VANESSA HUDGENS STOLE THE SHOW AS RIZZO, the only character in the play who actually seems real enough to get pregnant.

IT'S A MUSICAL THAT TEACHES ALL THE LESSONS we're supposed to learn in high school.

YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO MEET SOMEONE COOL ON VACATION. You’ll ruin your relationships by trying to impress your friends. But true love is possible if you abandon your decency and bend to peer pressure with a bondage-style skin-tight leather outfit.

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WITH HIS FACE THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ATTACHED to the rest of his head, Ted Cruz showed off how personable he can be this weekend by literally failing to get a hug from his own daughter.

AS IF THAT INCIDENT BEING CAPTURED ON CAMERA weren't embarrassing enough, things got worse for Cruz as the weekend continued.

HIS ENTIRE CAMPAIGN IS BASED ON DENYING that 13 million Americans have gained jobs and 17 million have gained health insurance under President Obama... BS so rich and creamy that even Fox News’ Chris Wallace had to fact check him on it this weekend.

“FACT CHECKERS ARE NOT FAIR AND IMPARTIAL,” Cruz told Wallace. “They are liberal editorial journalists. And they have made it their mission to defend Obamacare.”

CRUZ IS THE KIND OF CANDIDATE RELIGIOUS CONSERVATIVES LOVE because he looks at his opponents and sees people who are deceitful, cold and immune to facts. He sees people who are as scary to him as Ted Cruz is to a child he’s about to hug.

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IF EVERY MOTHER ON EARTH WERE ABLE TO BREASTFEED, 800,000 lives could be saved, and 20,000 breast cancer deaths could be avoided, according to a new study in The Lancet.

THE RESEARCHERS CALL BREAST MILK "a personalized medicine for infants," which is also kind of what Facebook and Twitter are for some really gross men.

SCIENTISTS SUGGEST THE PRACTICE SHOULD BE DONE, when possible, even if it commits the greatest crime known to man: making sexually prudish people feel slightly uneasy while sipping a Cafe Leche.

YES, FACEBOOK HAS BANNED UNLICENSED GUN SALES, which should leave you with the terrifying realization that Facebook used to allow unlicensed gun sales up until last Friday.

URINE LUCK—San Francisco's recently refurbished Dolores Park includes an "open air urinal," which coincidentally is also a term often used to describe every park in San Francisco.