Happy Monday. On this day in 1986, Lady Gaga was born/made her first costume change.

DON'T TELL BERNIE SANDERS that no one’s endorsing him. Sure his rival Democrat Hillary Clinton has secured the backing of nearly all the party’s top elected officials, but what about small woodland creatures?

THOSE BROKE FOR BERNIE over the weekend when his campaign podium was literally visited by a small songbird – one of the few that hadn’t been shot in the making of a Mike Huckabee commercial. Democrats responded to the bird’s endorsement by rewarding Sanders with landslide victories in Washington, Alaska, and Hawaii.

THE BIRD PERCHED ATTENTIVELY in front of Sanders for a few moments, which may not seem impressive until you consider what it would have done in front of Ted Cruz (perish from a general aura of evil) or Donald Trump (try to lay eggs in his hair).

YOU KNOW TED CRUZ HAS A TERRIBLE IDEA when Donald Trump immediately agrees with it.

WITH OFFICIALS STILL SEARCHING for victims of the terror attack in Brussels, Cruz is now suggesting it's time to crack down on American Muslims – who for too long have gotten away with only being harassed when they board a plane, shop at Home Depot or drive across town to avoid a Trump rally.

IN RESPONSE TO CRUZ saying we need to "patrol and secure Muslim neighborhoods," Trump called it a "good idea" that he supports "100 percent" – which is also a good estimate of how much money Trump University students wasted on their "tuition."

REPUBLICAN LEADERS AND ACTIVISTS will meet this summer in Cleveland for what will surely be the most contentious convention since it was announced that Jesse Eisenberg would play Lex Luthor at the Comic Con that nearly wiped out half of San Diego.

SADLY, THE PARTY CHOSE A VENUE, the Quicken Loans Arena, that does not allow the open carry of firearms for more than 40,000 obviously well-meaning Americans – and many are now protesting the choice.

AS ANY GOOD CONSERVATIVE CAN TELL YOU, the only way to guarantee your well-being is to make sure every man, woman and child you meet is armed with a gun and a spare gun so your main gun doesn’t get lonely as you discuss your gun with strangers or use the water fountain.

A RECENT JIMMY KIMMEL SKETCH about Snoop Dogg was so popular it inspired 60,000 Americans with internet access (and/or a local library with internet access) to sign a petition calling for Snoop to narrate a season of “Planet Earth,” a show that reveals how species that don’t have drive-thrus or motels eat and copulate.

AND BECAUSE SNOOP IS A CROWD PLEASER, he has now delivered his own nature show “Planet Snoop: Squirrel vs. Snake” on his Merry Jane YouTube channel, where it quickly passed Seth Rogen explaining how to roll a joint as the channel’s most popular offering.

AND... IT ALREADY HAS a higher Rotten Tomatoes score than Batman v. Superman.

• A Heartwarming Photo of Donald J. Trump and Marco Rubio
• WATCH: Watch Out, America. Ted Cruz Just “Broke Bad”
• CAFE ANALYSIS: What Kind of Dirt Might Donald Trump Have on Heidi Cruz?

YES, GETTING YOUR HAIR WASHED IN A BEAUTY SALON CAN, IN SOME RARE CASES, cause a stroke. But that costs extra.

MAUI WOWIE—Hawaii may become the first state to decriminalize all drugs. So soon there will finally be a decent reason to visit Hawaii.

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