Happy Wednesday. On this day in 2010, Steve Jobs unveiled the iPad, which would one day become the world's best way to enjoy all nineteen Steve Jobs biopics.

(Credit: Getty Images)

THERE'S BEEN ONLY ONE SURE THING about the 2016 GOP primary: If we’re talking about Donald Trump, he’s winning.

(WELL, THERE'S THAT and you can always be 100 percent sure Jeb Bush is making that weird grimace that everyone makes when the car mechanic tells us some part we’ve never heard of needs to be replaced.)

THE BILLIONAIRE GOP FRONTRUNNER and miniature Macy’s parade float has threatened to skip Thursday night’s Fox News debate because Megyn Kelly has "unfairly" quoted things verbatim that he actually said about women and wants to know when exactly he became a Republican/birther.

FOX NEWS RESPONDED TO TRUMP'S THREAT with something nearly unprecedented in American history — conservative humor — and now the candidate says he may even appear on a rival network at the same time.

IT'S A MASTERFUL WAY to keep people talking about him, and also a stern warning that as president he may skip the State of the Union unless the Union is nice to him. He may refuse to go to the War Room if ISIS doesn’t play fair. He may not submit a budget if some jerk gets rude and adds the numbers up.

(Credit: Getty Images)

A DISEASE SO BAD that officials are telling women not to get pregnant: No, it’s not Affluenza... it’s Zika.

THE MOSQUITO-BORNE DISEASE has now spread to 21 countries, mostly in the Americas, meaning it has now reached the point where we have to talk about it and stay up late searching the internet about it — because it’s in the United States.

IN ADDITION TO ATTACKING FETUSES, symptoms include mild fever, conjunctivitis and headache, which are remarkably similar to the symptoms of eating fast food and/or being an American.

PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS CALLED FOR WORLDWIDE ACTION to fight the disease, much like the effort that has nearly squelched the spread of Ebola — which thousands of Africans died of as much of the world sat idly by.

ONCE A HANDFUL OF AMERICANS WERE AFFECTED and Republicans blamed Obama, that situation quickly improved and faded into the bottom of a pile of things we briefly cared about, along with those girls who were kidnapped, that one murder case from that one show and those refugees who were sad until they became scary.

(Credit: Getty Images)

DEMOCRATIC LEADERS ONLY PLANNED SIX DEBATES this primary season — exactly a quarter of the 24 that were held in 2008 — apparently fearing that frontrunner Hillary Clinton would suck at them and Jim Webb would keep showing up.

FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS, Martin O’Malley’s supporter and Bernie Sanders’ supporters have been demanding more be added, noting that Republicans’ debates with record-setting audiences (and also racism) were dominating the conversation.

WITH SANDERS SURGING in the first two primary states and Clinton at least as good at debating as O’Malley, the former Secretary of State has now agreed to an unsanctioned debate on February 4 in New Hampshire to be hosted by Rachel Maddow and Chuck Todd, a name that sounds like a bad piece of meat.

BUT SANDERS CAMPAIGN MANAGER JEFF WEAVER said that his candidate “would not want to jeopardize our ability to participate in future debates,” a penalty the party has threatened for candidates who take part in an unsanctioned one.

BUT IF THE LOGIC HOLDS, he’s suggesting that O’Malley and Clinton would be also be barred from the next debate. So this will be the last one anyway. Or maybe Sanders fears that only he would be penalized because the debate system is rigged by millionaires and billionaires.

(Credit: Getty Images)

IF YOU DON'T THINK THE KARDASHIANS ARE GENIUSES, just watch how they turn product placements into headlines and baby weight into cash.

IN A MAJOR NEWS DEVELOPMENT, Kim Kardashian West will be losing two — 2! — pounds a week via the Atkins diet, she told Extra on Tuesday.

KARDASHIAN SAYS SHE GAINED 60 POUNDS when she was pregnant and wants to get down to her pre-baby weight of 130. We’re just telling you these facts in case you ever need to prove your American citizenship.

YES, SADLY ABE VIGODA IS ACTUALLY DEAD. And he will continue dying every year for as long as there is an internet.

DANE DAMAGE—Rocko is a 167 pound Great Dane, who stands 7 feet tall and eats 8 cups of food a day. His owners in Reno considered getting a "doggy door" but realized that would just be a "door."