Part way through this month I was noticing a lot of conversations about not being able to sleep. I usually chock this up to the moon, but then I began remembering how I used to (and sometimes still do) have the excruciating inability to turn my mind off at night. I would lay in bed going over stories and scenarios. It was awful.
There are several moments strung together that I could say started the shift in awareness. An exercise in rehearsal when our director said, "whenever a thought comes into your mind just say: no thank you", the free meditation class on Bloor St, or a book my friend loaned me called Wherever You Go There You Are.
However, there was one moment in particular when those ideas finally began to sink in. I was biking home from work and thinking about an audition I had in the morning. I was counting backwards, figuring out what time I needed to wake up in order to get ready, leave and get there on time. I knew I would go over this same equation again later when setting my alarm. I suddenly realized that since I was on my bike, nothing was actually being accomplished. I was going to go over it later anyway, so what was the point of doing it now? The only thing I was accomplishing in that moment was
keeping myself from experiencing it. The freedom of being on a bike, in gorgeous weather, with loads of trees in full bloom surrounding me. This may seem simple, but we all do it. We go over things which cannot possibly be solved in that moment (like when we're trying to sleep), and it takes us out of being "present". That was the moment my habit of being mindful began to take root.
Being mindful enough of our thoughts to stop them from flooding our heads can take time to become habit. A habit by it's very nature cannot be formed overnight, but takes time and practice. That is why meditation is such a valuable tool, because it's the practice of stilling the mind. Even 5 minutes a day can allow the habit to form faster. There will suddenly come a moment when you realize it is easier to push negative or unwanted thoughts out of your mind. It will be like magic.