Dear Usdan families:
As I write, I recognize that the odds of someone reading this who has been impacted by layoffs, or the virus, or both, are substantially greater than when I wrote a week ago. If you or your loved ones are suffering, my heart goes out to you as you navigate through this deeply troubling time.
Further, I suspect nearly everyone reading this note is a parent of a school-age child, toddler or baby. Today, I want to call out something you already must know. Because you are a parent, it is you who are on the frontlines of shepherding our society through this crisis because you are shepherding your children - maybe
gracefully, maybe awkwardly – through it.
We have always balanced our roles as parents and as workers, but a few weeks ago, all of our balances changed. The amount of time we needed to be parents grew, while the time we had in a day did not. We are now being full-time parents, maybe also full-time workers, and possibly for the first time and without any training, full-time teachers. On top of that, the support our kids need from us now is heavily loaded on the side of emotional support. I suspect very few of us feel, no matter how many years we have been trying to be good parents (for me, it’s 16), that we really thrive at the emotional support part.
About 10 years ago, a friend of mine
while speaking to his pediatrician about his baby was asking a number of questions about what he should do if the baby did this or did that, and how he should best set up his baby now for future health and intelligence. The pediatrician simply responded to him: focus on the love.
Many times I have been grateful that my friend told me this story. When I have been confused about how to be a parent, which is often, I remember: focus on the love. Luckily, it’s the easiest part of being a parent since we love our children inexplicably deeply.
So my hats go off to each of you as you heroically manage yourselves and your children through this crisis. We will probably remember this time in
terms of deaths and quarantines, illnesses and layoffs, and stress. But maybe if we play our cards right, our children will remember this time as family meals, board games, and endless art sessions, all overly-loaded with our attention and our love.
Onwards we go,