As I reflect on the experiences and opportunities I’ve had over the last twelve months, 2012 feels, on balance, like a very satisfying year, broken bones notwithstanding.

Some of the high notes include:

• Serving as a panelist at the Wharton Entrepreneurship Conference, the Johns Hopkins University SAIS Alumni Club career forum and the Women’s Leadership and Mentoring Alliance “Coaching Yourself to Success” event
• Leading workshops on effective interviewing, networking and career management skills at YearUp New York and Johns Hopkins SAIS
• Strengthening my collaboration with the great staff, students and alumni of NYU’s Stern School of Business on a variety of career and leadership coaching activities
• Continuing to expand the scope of my coaching practice, both geographically (particularly on the west coast) as well as by function and sector
• Attending this year’s Harvard Coaching Conference as well as the recent Women on Boards 2020 12/12/12 initiative to create awareness about the importance of getting more qualified women onto corporate boards
• Feeling grateful, every day, for the people I meet and the work I do

I've been reading a lot lately, the predictable result of continuing to indulge my Amazon Prime-fueled book addiction.

If I were serious about reforming my ways, I’d apply what I learned from reading Charles Duhigg’s fascinating book, The Power of Habit, to nudge myself into my neighborhood library, or maybe even onto a Kindle. But being a bibliophile is one of my few remaining vices and I’m not ready to give it up.

Understanding the behavioral and neurological patterns that drive far more of our choices than we realize got me thinking about Socrates, who famously said (long before the Kardashians and many of today's political representatives arrived on the scene to prove his point) that the unexamined life is not worth living. 

Reality TV personalities and politicians aside, I believe that the vast majority of us are, in fact, desperate to lead more self-authored, connected, purposeful lives. Really, how many people do you know personally who, given the explicit choice between following a static path of acceptance and self-denial vs. a dynamic path informed by self-awareness, curiosity and enlightenment, would opt for the former?

Similarly, I think there is something in our nature that can't help but be stirred and inspired by opportunities to make ourselves feel vital and fully engaged. Brené Brown opens her book, Daring Greatly, with a quote from Theodore Roosevelt lionizing the man “who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again; . . . who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly....” This, she says, is the epitome of vulnerability. Being "all in"; living without fear.

But when it comes to taking the actions necessary to define and pursue our own chosen version of the examined, fully engaged life, whatever that may mean to us, it's often tremendously challenging to do. Rooting out entrenched habits, questioning the status quo, exposing our shortcomings and facing our fears, day in and day out, is hard work. And lonely. That’s why so many people who are committed to moving closer to these ideals, myself included, surround ourselves with wise guides, mentors, like-minded fellow travelers and, yes, lots of useful books. 

Who will you enlist to be on your team in the year ahead?

As you think about your professional and personal objectives for the coming year, here are four important virtues to keep in mind that can have a transformational impact on the quality of the relationships you build.

Generosity – Don’t skimp on sharing information, ideas, time, introductions or any other asset you’re in a position to offer. Generosity in its purest form is about giving without the expectation of getting something in return. When extended in that spirit (and not as a quid pro quo or favor with strings attached), it often has the added benefit of yielding positive dividends over time for all involved. It also just feels good. Here’s a recent blog post by LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman about the value of being helpful.

Interest – How much do you really know about the dreams, passions and struggles of your colleagues? How about your friends and relatives? Do you regularly make time to give the people you interact with your undivided, device-free attention? If your answers are not much and no, then you have to question both the quality of the information you're taking in from them as well as the degree of investment in their well-being you're putting out. And that can't be good for anyone.

Vulnerability – Contrary to popular belief, being vulnerable actually requires a deep reservoir of courage and strength. It’s one of the hallmarks of authentic leadership, and it’s a vital ingredient in forging strong, healthy relationships. Cultivating the sense of intrinsic self-worth that allows us to freely admit our limitations, acknowledge our imperfections and own up when we’re wrong is, for many of us, a real paradigm shift. It’s also an incredibly empowering one. For more on vulnerability, see Daring Greatly in the book nook (left) or watch Brené Brown's fantastic TED talk on the subject.

Empathy – I hear a lot of disturbing anecdotes from my clients about narcissistic bosses, and there is also evidence suggesting that narcissism is prevalent among the rising Millennial generation. One of the most prominent features of narcissism is a lack of empathy, or the inability to understand and share someone else's feelings. You probably know first-hand that it's incredibly demoralizing to be on the receiving end of an empathy deficit. And, as empathy is increasingly recognized as a critical driver of business success, it's also increasingly problematic to be the person with the deficit. 

In light of the challenges we face as we seek to respond intelligently to the natural and man-made catastrophes that many of us here in the northeast are still reeling from, this quote from Perseverance (one of the books featured at left), seems particularly apt:

“To navigate life today, we definitely need new maps. Our old ones confuse us unendingly. These new maps are waiting for us. They’ll appear as soon as we quiet down and, with other lost companions, relax into the unfamiliarity of this new place, senses open, curious rather than afraid.

The maps we need are in us, but not in only one of us. If we read the currents and signs together, we’ll find our way through.”

My wish for all of us is that we remain steadfast in our determination and unified in our efforts to find a better way forward.  My wish for you and your loved ones is for a peaceful and fulfilling year ahead.