Coach Mom Newsletter - Jan 2013
To start off the new year, I would like to
introduce you to a good friend who acted on
some resolutions one year in her home, then
wrote about it to help others do the same. A
Dallas mother of five kids who worked in the
White House and earned an MBA in
international finance tackled a really tough
task—pushing back against the “entitlement
mentality” she helped to develop in her
children. In its place, Kay Wills Wyma
instills competence and confidence born from
helping them develop the skills and traits
needed to launch from home successfully.
In her book Cleaning
House: A Mom’s Twelve-Month Experiment to
Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement, Kay
details her year-long effort to help her
kids learn the joy of accomplishment and
capability. Following are ten strategies for
parents resolving that 2013 will be the
“Year Entitlement Ended” in their homes.
Top Ten Strategies to Tackle
Entitlement in 2013
10. Be honest . . .
with yourself and with your kids. The first
step to change is admitting, “I have a
problem.” Welcome to Enablers Anonymous. It
might not be pretty, but we’ve all driven
here on the road paved with good intentions.
9. Have a family meeting. Announce
the plan and involve the participants. If
everyone owns it, the seeds sprout and grow.
8. Gather like-minded friends. It’s
lonely doing anything seemingly alone,
especially when swimming upstream. So grab
some friends and do it together.
7. Keep your eyes on the goal by
looking back. George Washington at
16 was surveying Culpepper County, Va. –
without his parents!; at age 12, Blaise
Pascal worked out the first 23 propositions
of Euclid by himself; at age 15 Louis
Braille invented the Braille system; at age
14 my friend Jackie worked at her local dry
cleaner—responsible for daily deposits and
closing up the store. The point is . . .
kids are more than capable.
6. Set the bar high. Kids, like all
of us, thrive on high expectations.
Seriously, who likes to work for someone who
takes your stuff and does it over or steps
in and completes it for you? Our kids don’t
like it either.
5. Think
teflon. Don’t be fooled by the
whines; let the "noooooo" and "why me?!"
barrage hit and slide right off. Those kids
are only feigning disdain. They actually
crave feeling useful and needed.
4. Pack any baggage and park it
outside—forever. Whatever fears
buckle a parent’s knees (my kid will be left
out, their feelings will be hurt, they will
never get into college, they will fail if I
don’t – or pay someone to –do it for them)
can and should be disregarded. Kids can do
so much more than we or they think. Teach
them how to do a task. Train them by getting
out of the way. Then watch mountains
formerly seen as obstacles morph into
opportunities.
3. Welcome and
keep your hands off a kid’s failure. There
are few prouder moments than witnessing your
child fall, get up, fall, get up, stay up
and capitalize on newfound strength,
determination and real self-esteem.
2. Learn to use and mean the words,
“I’m happy for you.” Despite our
best efforts to make it a competition,
parenting isn’t about one-upping each other.
It’s about loving our kids and celebrating
their unique gifts and talents. It’s OK to
celebrate our friends’ talents and teach our
kids to do the same. More than OK . . . dare
we admit, liberating.
1. Get
ready to catch yourself saying: “Who
knew?!” “Who knew my kids could do
so much?” “Who knew they could serve their
sibling?” (I mean how else can you describe
a boy folding his sister’s underwear, or a
girl cleaning her brother’s bathroom!) “Who
knew they could be so happy?” “Who knew
gaming, texting and social media could take
a back seat?” “Who knew they just wanted
someone to believe in them . . . and that
family responsibilities were just the
ticket?”
About Kay Wills Wyma
Author Kay Wills Wyma has five kids and one
SUV with a lot of carpool miles. Before she
transitioned to stay-at-home mom, she earned
an MBA, worked at the White House and worked
in international finance. Happily married to
Jon, this recovering enabler is committed to
equipping the next generation to achieve
great things in the future by piling on the
responsibility today. Kay enjoys walking the
road with other parents of adolescents and
teens through her blog TheMoatBlog.com.
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 January
is the perfect time to enjoy healthy steel
cut oats for breakfast. Make it even
healthier by topping a bowl with a spoonful
of ground flaxseed. No need to slave over a
stove in the morning. It takes one minute to
prepare the oats with this overnight recipe
on
Brenna's Blog.
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Stull Family Reflections on 2012…malaria,
14,000-feet-above-sea-level hikes, lost
luggage in Africa, duck calls, a big buck,
and adoption papers galore….
Read the post on Brenna's Blog.
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 Want
to rid your home of youth entitlement this
year? Win Kay Wyma’s book Cleaning
House: A Mom’s Twelve-Month Experiment to
Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement
to learn more details about her ten
strategies. To enter the drawing, forward
this email to three friends and then
send Brenna an email with “cleaning
house” in the subject line.
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