Hope you enjoy this November Spiritual Friendship Journal. Let these shared stories of faith- and doubt- encourage you as we journey together on the Way.

by Melanie Reist

I don't know what any of the other groups are like, but what we have is special. This group holds a rich place in my life. It has been a life-line at various parts of our lives. No judgements. No criticisms, yet also a real sense of a certain level of accountability. We're pretty candid with each other. But we were able to be very honest from the very beginning, and we all find it so refreshing to be able to be that way in the context of a spiritual group, and that is a freedom that has continued.

The Touchstone group has been critical to opening up a broader understanding of what it means to be a follower of Christ. My natural bent is to be very knowledge-based, learning, memorizing, being able to argue and debate, so having the freedom to recognize that sometimes silence is a wonderful way of having a conversation with God — to pause and be enveloped by the Father's love for me — that has been really an important facet of my spiritual life.

We meet every other week in my office at 7:30 in the morning. My staff know it's a different group, I call it my "prayer breakfast group," even though it's an old phrase. But it's actually my spiritual support group. It's my spiritual support team.

Melanie Reist is a lawyer in Kitchener, Ont., who meets weekly with a Touchstone group.

Touchstone speaks with John Vissers, an ordained minister, theologian, Moderator of the Presbyterian Church in Canada and Touchstone friend since "the very beginning..."

Q. With your long history with Touchstone, do you remember if you thought this ministry was a good idea?

A: I remember thinking it was a really risky thing, and a courageous thing, but I thought it was a good thing. I think Norm has this capacity for friendship and relationship, but he needed to be freed from the normal structures of church and para-church institutions to exercise that. It was a risky undertaking.

Q. As an ordained minister, you represent a part of the Touchstone family who may struggle to find this kind of community of authenticity elsewhere. How has Touchstone provided community for you?

A: I tell my students at the seminary that they need to find a group and do this very thing. I've found it absolutely essential to my spiritual well-being in ministry over the years. It has created for me a community of guys who I know really well, who I trust deeply but we are all in different churches and traditions. When we get together it doesn't degenerate into shop talk, which I find is the problem when you are with people from your own tradition. The retreats have been times to step away, times of quiet, of reflection, Norm guides us and creates space for whatever might happen to happen. There are a lot of great conversations, fellowship — almost brutal honesty at times. These are guys I would trust with everything.
 

Q. Why is this kind of community and trust difficult to find?

A: I think it's the fear of being judged and evaluated by colleagues. I think part of it is our own problem. Most of us are high-drive energetic, we have goals we want to achieve, and when you're in your own work environment in church life that's the kind of stance you're taking. You don't want to appear vulnerable I suppose. It's unfortunate, but that's the way it is. I think it has to do with trust levels, to really let go and let people into your core and your soul, I think very few church leaders have this kind of thing.

Q. How has your experience with Touchstone seeped out into different parts of your life?

A: I have found that personally, in terms of the spiritual disciplines, and the things I do for my own spiritual nourishment, they coincide with things I do with Touchstone. I use the retreat booklet in my devotional life. I've found Touchstone retreats and conversations have nurtured my spiritual life in a substantial way, not a superficial way. I would hope that is reflected in my relationships. One of the things in my work with my students is to really try and encourage this model because I think it's important for them to create relationships that will help sustain them in ministry. When I talk about this to people they say, "We need to be doing this."

Here is an Advent exercise you can use with a spiritual friend.

• Sit in silence for a few minutes, side by side, becoming aware of the presence of God in your heartbeat, your breathing, and in one another.
• Read Mark 14:1-9 to one another slowly and with expression.
• Sit quietly for a few minutes and savour what you've heard and seen in the story.
• Offer one another those observations and let the Spirit guide you into conversation about what is being said to your life.
• Close with prayer.

Advent Prayers

Christ, Light of the world,
meet us in our place of darkness.
Christ, Light of the world,
meet us in our place of longing.
Christ, light of the world,
Meet us in our place of working.
(#82 Celtic Prayers For Life Today, Ray Simpson, Kevin Mathew)

Among the hungry
among the homeless
among the friendless
come to make things new.

Among the powerful
among the spoilt
among the crooked
come to make things new.

In halls of fame
in corridors of power
in forgotten places
come to make things new.

With piercing eyes
with tender touch
with cleansing love
come to make things new.
(#83 Celtic Prayers For Life Today Ray Simpson, Kevin Mathew)

By Norm Allen

 Sometime in the 500s Benedict of Nursia wrote what became known as The Rule of St. Benedict for Everyday Life. Benedict was responding to the need for guidance and structure in a confusing world of monks who were often independent and self-indulgent in their practices.

A few of us have "blue-skied" about imitating this process in Touchstone by implementing a simple set of commitments to which we would freely and mutually hold, as those who are shaped by the invitation of Christ to friendship with him.

Here is a peek at a few of the guidelines we are developing at this very early stage, aimed at our own inner journey.  What are your ideas? Let me know.

• As a group of companions we are committed to live, learn and teach spiritual friendship.
• This process begins with our shared commitment to learn from Jesus, our own life and from listening to the lives of others. Silent reflection — employing whatever prayer tools are appropriate— is the doorway for our relationship with Jesus and a heightened awareness of what the Holy Spirit may be doing in our lives.
• We nurture our own spiritual friendships with at least one other person, with no other agenda than spiritual friendship. We practice intentionality, time, space, silence, listening to our own life and the life of another.
• We are spiritual explorers, seeking whatever resources we need to grow in our experience and capabilities. Reading, study, and listening to those who are more experienced in these things will be our passion.
• The Trinity is both model and centripetal force for spiritual friendship. The remarkable mutuality and intimacy – “space for the other,” empowered Jesus in the relationship He invites us to join with Father and the Holy Spirit.
• We patiently anticipate friendships that grow naturally. God knows our need of companionship. God will lead us in the appropriate time to those we are to engage on this adventure.

•The book launched in early November on the west coast to a crowd of over 40 people at Crema, a coffee shop in West Vancouver.
•The Institute of Evangelism at Wycliffe College in Toronto featured an article by Norm called "Spiritual Friendships for Spiritual Leaders." You can read it here.
•Norm was interviewed about spiritual friendships on The Drew Marshall Show. You can listen to it here. (Scroll to July 14)
•A story about the book and Touchstone appeared in Christian Week newspaper. You can read it here.