Coach Mom Newsletter - OCT 2010

When the Rookie Comes Along:
Adding a Member to Team Family

Though a baby is one of life’s greatest blessings, parents must realize that a newborn in the house may very well call for some of the biggest adjustments of their life (and the life of their older child). Going with the team analogy, let’s just say that first two months is like boot camp. Knowing that boot camp is a short season of life helps with coping emotionally and physically.

Accept that every member of the family will transition at a different pace and in a different way.  For example, a toddler might begin waking up again in the middle of the night again (just when you really need him to sleep the most), but don’t panic. It’s probably just a short-lived part of the transitioning response.

Ground Rules to Help the Veteran Accept the Rookie:

• Communicate information and expectations. Communicate to the sibling basic pregnancy and birthing information, what newborns do (only eat, poop, sleep and cry), and other expectations.

• Make any changes such as room and bed changes or potty training well before the baby arrives.

• Highlight the older sibling’s babyhood. Look at photos and videos of the older sibling as a newborn, and talk about how excited you were when they were born. Tell them about people who came to see them when they were born or brought gifts.

• Give gifts to older sibling “from the baby” when the baby is born to associate good feelings with the baby.

• Praise the older sibling in front of others. Tell others “what a good big sister she is” or some specific way she showed responsibility or love toward the baby.

• Focus on children individually. Plan one-on-one time with the older child, even if it is only 5 minutes a day for toddlers or 20 minutes a week for older children. Schedule it and talk about looking forward to it with your child. This goes a long way in settling the spirit of a child feeling threatened by the new addition.

• “Baby” your preschooler when appropriate. Rock them and sing to them and show them extra special attention. I remember when each baby got old enough to play peek-a-boo, I was amazed at how much enjoyment my toddlers and preschoolers got out of me playing it with them, too.

• Let the baby cry. You don’t have to drop everything the minute the baby cries. Give preference to the older siblings over the newborn whenever possible.

• Take a nap every chance you are able, and have a good cry yourself when needed.

Follow these ground rules, and you are laying the foundation for a unified, All-Star team! Let the games begin!