Coach Mom Newsletter - APR 2011
When my first child
was a baby, I thought my job was to mold him
into who he would be. Then came the second
one. I
treated him the same, but he was completely
opposite from his brother. Then the third,
yet another personality. By the time the
fourth and fifth came along, I realized that
at least 85 percent of who they were and
would be was already in their genes.
Proverbs 22:6 says,
“Train up a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not depart from
it.” The verse literally means to train up
each child in the way he
uniquely should go. Part of knowing the
way each should go (and knowing the path of
least resistance in getting there) involves
taking the time to get to know each one.
By learning what they love (and
what they don’t), we can train our children
in ways that help them reach their fullest
potential. One of the parenting resources I
have recently used that has helped with this
path of discovering the true heart of my
child is the interactive
Kids Flag Page, by Dr. Tim
Kimmel and Mark Gungor.
Recently my ten-year-old Micah and I sat
down to
experience
Kids
Flag Page. We saw that
Flag
Page puts each person in two of four
categories (labeled as “countries” that make
up a world): Peace country, fun country,
perfect country, and control country. After
answering a series of questions on the 36
trait cards, it revealed that Micah is from
perfect/peace country. That tells me that
Micah is one of the world’s best
workers…because he gets it done right and he
gets along with others while doing it.
Everything outlined about the
perfect/peace country person lined up with
the way Micah lives. At two years of age he
began making his bed every morning without
being told. Many times I’ve awakened to the
sound of Micah doing his daily chore,
unloading dishes from the dishwasher, before
sunrise. This afternoon when I couldn’t find
him to call him in for dinner, he was in the
backyard weeding the vegetable garden! (No,
none of my other children made their bed
daily at age two, have awakened me by coming
in to gather trash or laundry, nor have they
ever
even thought about weeding without being
told…or even promised payment of some kind!)
I learned that the perfect/peace child needs
respect for his commitment to harmony and
recognition for the thorough and careful way
he lives his life. I also enjoyed the
practical tips, such as:
-
Give
him as much advance notice regarding
schedules and daily agendas, and alert
him about changes as soon as I can.
-
Verbally recognize the stability he
brings to relationships and the
exceptional way he carries out
responsibilities – be specific.
-
Be
deliberate about helping them process
failure – both their own and the failure
of others.
This exercise was especially helpful to me
since I live in fun/control country (which
is about having fun while getting lots of
things done), making Micah and I polar
opposites!
This colorful and engaging activity helps
kids see who they are at their very best.
The
Kids Flag Page
gives parents direction on how to bring out
the best in each of their children.
It
empowers us to not only love our children,
but to turn that love into a potent
influence for good in every dimension of
their lives. It gives specific do’s and
don’ts of how to motivate, encourage,
discipline and help each child succeed in
life.
Included in the kit is the book
Discover Your Child’s Heart with the Kids
Flag Page: What to Do with Each Child and
Why.
Part 1 explains the philosophy behind it.
Part 2 allows you to look specifically into
your child’s qualities. Part 3 outlines
Kimmel’s exciting and refreshing strategy
for raising great kids known as grace-based
parenting. It not only sets you free to
bring the best out of each of your children,
but also takes some of the stress and
unknowns out of your responsibility as a
parent. Study questions in the back make the
Kids Flag Page
a great tool to not only use on your kids,
but to study together with your friends.
Maybe you should try it yourself?
Discovering the God-given design of your
child’s heart, receiving practical trips on
how to adapt your parenting, and then
learning how to raise that child in the
context of a grace-based family will have a
powerful and positive impact on everyone
living under your roof.
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The kit includes:
-
Activity Board
-
Instruction Booklet
-
36 Trait Cards
-
4 Countries of the World Chart
-
Kids Flag Page Book by Dr. Tim Kimmel
-
Supplies for 3 Kids Flag Pages
Details at
http://shop.familymatters.net/product/71/Kids-Flag-Page.
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Win your own
Kids Flag Page today! Forward this newsletter on to three friends,
then email
brenna@brennastull.com
with the word “Kids Flag Page” in the
subject line and you will be entered to win
a
Kids Flag Page on April 8.
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Dear Brenna,
My husband and I are
trying to give our children (ages 8 and 10)
every chance to succeed in the future. I
drive them a half hour to the best private
school in our area, and take them to
tutoring three evenings a week to make sure
they are on track to make high SAT scores in
high school.
Our schedule seems so packed, and my
son seems irritable most school days. Even
my daughter, who has always been a people
pleaser, often lets out sighs and rolls her
eyes when I try to discuss her academic
progress and goals. Are we on the right
track?
Lori
Dear Lori,
Our culture has gotten
lopsided in placing such importance on
academics. In Daniel Goleman’s book
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter
More Than IQ (New York: Bantam, 2006), he
showed that a person’s ability to control
their emotions plays a greater role in their
success than IQ or skill set ever could.
That’s because people’s ability to cope, to
process stress, and to get along with others
has little to do with their SAT score.
I encourage you to
lighten up on the tutoring and focus your
efforts on getting to know what your
children love. When you discover what makes
your child tick and how best to support them
and work with them, both of you will gain
important benefits. You will enjoy a better
parent/child relationship as you
strategically soothe frustrations, your
stress level will reduce, and you will
parent with more confidence. Your child will
be receiving guidance in a way that
increases their emotional intelligence,
which will contribute toward social success
in the future.
A great place to get to
know your children better? At the dinner
table. Catherine Snow, professor of
education at Harvard Graduate School of
Education, studied 65 families over an
eight-year period. She found that dinnertime
was of more value to child development than
playtime, school, and story time.
Make family dinner a
priority and I think you will find that
stress levels will decrease, your sense of
confidence as a parent will increase, and
you and your husband will get on the same
page with your children. That has the
potential to yield results beyond what years
of tutoring could ever do.
Brenna
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