Daddy breaks the rules

Years ago, when we were teenagers, my sisters and I asked my father why he didn't buy our mother a present for Mother's Day. "Well, she's not my mother, is she? She should give me a present on Mother's Day. It's thanks to me, after all, that she's a mother!" It made sense to us. So much so, that 35 years later my husband will give me a present on Father's Day to show his gratitude for my part in making him a father. (I gave him a book about science fairs and a new silicone cover for his Blackberry last month.)

My father was in the habit of challenging the rules around our house. My mother would insist we take our vitamins in the morning and brush our teeth before going to bed. When Daddy was in charge though, on those historic occasions when Mummy went away alone for a few days, we didn't have to do those boring rule-bound things. When I asked him about that years later he said he had not been consulted when the rules were made, so why should he have to battle us to enforce them? It struck me as a good point.

Even now, egalitarian couples who share household chores with meticulous fairness before they have children, find that once they have babies, they fall into very conventional gender roles. Mothers take more parental leave, get to know the baby better, develop routines and become "the boss" at home. Fathers often don't get enough practice with the baby, feel less competent, are not consulted and feel left out of the decisions being made for the family. And then mothers complain, as my mother did, that fathers don't back them up or do their share.

On the other hand, when my mother went away, Daddy would always lead  my sisters and me in planning and carrying out a big surprise. Once we painted a huge mural on the wall in the kitchen. Another time we wired up the whole house so that we could hear music from the stereo in every room! We have wonderful memories of the teamwork and the suspense that went into those surprises.

So this year, to celebrate Father's Day, whether you are old parents, new parents or parents-to-be, sit down and talk about how you can make rules for that important institution you run together - the nuclear family. And then remember to break the rules and plan surprises once in awhile.

Recipe of the Month

Here's a recipe for a wonderfully refreshing summer salad! Try it at your next BBQ!

Watermelon and Feta Salad

1/4 of a medium watermelon, cut into 1 inch cubes

1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese

2 tbsp chopped mint

fresh black pepper to taste

1 tsp olive oil

Combine all ingredients and toss gently. Serve within a couple of hours.

Train to be a Doula!

Ever thought of working as a doula? We still have a couple of spots left in our Postpartum Doula Training from June 17th-20th, and our Birth Doula Training from June 24th-27th. Second only to being a mother, being a doula is one of the most exciting, challenging, and wonderful jobs you could choose! Our workshops are DONA-approved and are the first step toward earning your certification. Please contact us to register.

Father's Day Giveaway

 We are doing another giveaway, this time for Dad!  The first three people to come in on Tuesday June 14th and mention the Mother-In-Touch Newsletter Giveaway will receive a free Babe Magnet Tie! These ties look just like 'regular' ties but safely tucked inside each one is a surprise: a squeaker and a rattle to delight curious babies.  Good luck!