We hate change

All living things hate change.  Have you ever repotted an African violet into a bigger pot with nice rich soil and watched it wilt for a week before it finally decided to accept the new situation?  

In the 1960's, Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe developed a list of life events which can contribute to stress. (You can find it here on Wikipedia.)  Even good changes cause considerable stress. Events like Christmas, a vacation, an outstanding personal achievement or marriage can add to the level of stress in a person's life and make that person more vulnerable to physical or mental illness. When I added up all the stress points  for the changes which we experience when we have a baby, such as change in sleep patterns, personal habits,  relationships with in-laws, sex life, financial status, own or spouse's employment status, I got to an enormous number! Even if I didn't add "pregnancy" which gets you 40 points or "Gain a new family member" which gets you 39.  

Is it any wonder then that new parents are so prone to depression or anxiety?  Post-partum mood disorders are acknowledged as part of some mothers' experience of child-bearing.  But what of fathers or other non-childbearing parents?  What of adoptive parents?  They all experience tremendous change.

Of course, much of that change is deeply desired and positive. Learning to love a new baby while still remaining attached to one's partner and other children takes time and energy, but it is a heart-expanding experience.

Some changes are not so positive, but were expected.  Most parents-to-be know that they will not get a lot of sleep in the first few months, or that they will not be able to participate in the same sports or social activities they are used to.

Other changes were ones they never expected and didn't sign on for: having a very fussy "high-needs" baby, finding that their relationships with their parents and in-laws have become much more complicated, or that their child-free friends have forgotten all about them.

My hunch is that most of the emotional difficulties we have after a baby joins our family have to do with our dislike of change. We're just like that African violet. We need to be treated gently and kindly and supportively by those around us as we adjust to our new responsibilities, relationships and identity.

Warmly,

Eva

Postpartum Dads

A new study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association suggests that it's not just women who suffer from depression around the time of a new baby. Researchers have found that 10 percent of men suffer from both prenatal and postpartum depression, which can manifest as aggression and impulsiveness. It is a topic that can be difficult for fathers to talk about, and leaves many feeling alone and isolated. Read the Globe and Mail article here.

Doula Workshops This Month!

We have two DONA-approved doula workshops happening this June:

Our Four-Day Birth Doula Workshop, on June 17-20, will introduce you to the ins-and-outs of being a birth doula. You will learn effective tools for emotionally and physically supporting the mother - and her family - in labour, as well as completing an introduction to the physiology of childbearing. A short breastfeeding segment is also included. Our workshop, taught by doula trainer Eva Bild,  provides you with three of the requirments for Birth Doula Certification by DONA International.

Our Four-Day Postpartum Doula Workshop is on June 25-28. A postpartum doula works with the new family, helping with and modelling infant care, helping with some household tasks, and generally 'mothering the mother'. This workshop only happens once a year, and we are pleased to have Do Stier from Vancouver teaching the class with us this year. Do has been working with childbearing families for over 25 years and is an enthusiastic and inspiring teacher!

Visit our website for more information, or call to reserve your spot!

Preserving your pregnant belly

Making a belly cast is a wonderful way to capture your belly in the final stages of pregnancy. It can be done on your own, with your partner, or as part of a blessingway ceremony. The dried cast can be left blank or decorated pretty much any way you like: with paint, feathers, collage, beads....If you do your cast as part of a blessingway or with friends, you can ask them each to bring something meaningful to decorate your cast with. Afterwards, it can be hung on a wall as a visual reminder of your baby's first home. Making the cast is fairly simple, and you can gather the supplies at a craft store, or buy a kit.  We carry the mOmmy's tummy belly casting kit  (by Tummies2Bummies) which has everything you need as well as instructions on how to create your cast. Birthing From Within , a book by Pam England, offers advice and techniques for making your cast, as well as other projects to express yourself artistically during your pregnancy. Ideas for blessingways can be found in Shari Maser's book Blessingways: A Guide to Mother-Centered Baby Showers. She has many suggestions for marking your pregnancy as a rite of passage into motherhood. So pull out your beads and feathers, your favourite pictures and your paintbrush, and get casting!