By Caroline Raphael (Psychologist, BPsych, MAPS, EPA accredited)
Today in our modern world we have a new evil in our mist. It may not have thorns or look like something out of a horror movie, yet none-the-less, it is a monster that has and continues to cause great harm. Today we are living a new brand of bullying and its name is Cyber-bullying and it is contributing to our rise in depression, anxiety and suicide rates.
According to bullying statistics.org, more than 1 in 3 young people have experienced cyber threats online, yet regardless of the dramatic increases, not much has been done to arrest this criminal activity. The statistics are truly horrifying and even though there is a lot of political talk and media attention, there are no real policies and laws in place that really support those who are victims of cyber-crime.
Unfortunately it takes the death of a fellow human being to get our attention, or perhaps it would be more truthful to say that it often takes the death of someone famous to prompt us to sit up and take notice. One such famous death recently was an Australian celebrity Charlotte Dawson, on 22nd February 2014 she took her own life after many years of fighting cyber-bullying and trolling.
In a recent article “Trolls don’t just live under the bridge” its author Andrew Bonallack wrote “It's almost nauseating to read about the "flood" of tributes and regret appeared on Twitter and social media, when it wasn't that long ago Dawson was weathering savage attacks by online trolls, sending her to hospital for emergency treatment”.
Why is it, that as a race of beings, we wait for something bad, terrible, shocking, and etc. to happen before we stand up and say something is not right?
As a psychologist I notice that, on the whole, two things happen, firstly, as human beings we become complacent when something does not affect us directly, we may become shocked or outraged but ultimately we think someone else will take care of it. Secondly, if it does effect us directly, be it us, or someone close to us, we get indignant like how can this happen and then ultimately give up because there are no real policies to support in the speaking up. Now, perhaps this is not true for all, but it definitely is the majority.
What if all of us bandied together acting on behalf of all human beings?
We may, to quote a famous saying, “have the power to stop a nation”.
In Australia we all stop for a horse races like the Melbourne Cup, in the UK it is the Grand National, in America perhaps the Super Bowl, but what if we did it for something as truly important as this, Cyberbullying?
If we all made a call to our local politician or sent a letter to government, it would not take long before the people who represent us, took notice and realized that the public are serious about this matter being dealt with.
How do we break this complacency?
The first step is to call abuse out… there is so much abuse in our daily lives that we accept as normal, and as a result we have stopped seeing it as abuse – when in fact it is. For example, the way people speak to each other can be abusive and often down right rude, yet we don’t call it out. How often do we justify it as, “that is just so and so, he is always like that don’t take offence”… yet it is offensive and it is not ok.
What if calling out the abuse is as simple as saying “I don’t like the way you just spoke to me”. How empowered would you feel if you did speak up for yourself and say no to the abuse?
Or what if we call out our own self abuse, how often do we rush to get a hundred and one things done and in the process we get exhausted and often knock ourselves out, I have a relationship with a number of doors I continually bump into when I am rushing ☺ What if, calling out the abuse was to stop and listen to our bodies, listen to whether it is telling us we need timeout, to have a rest or simply something to eat or drink? How cared for would we feel if we did take that time to stop just because we needed to?
And if you are experiencing bullying do you talk to others about it or do you keep it to yourself, often hiding it like a dark, shameful secret, rather than outing it for what it is, human behaviour at its worst. Why is it that often victims of bullying feel this sense of shame, is it because it is shameful to be bullied, or is it because we don’t have enough self love to say No to it and to stand up for ourselves.
No one deserves to be bullied and no one deserves to be abused, it is time for a different way.
It is time for us to take loving care of ourselves, so when we come across abuse we know it and as a result are able to say no to it. Whether it is abuse directed at us or another, we would then not have the strength to stand up and say “enough”.
The true power of change comes from within. And that power comes from how we treat ourselves and how we allow another to treat us. Imagine how powerful it would be if we all did this. In our next edition we will share more about the power of No and how being able to do that creates more love in our lives.
If you are experiencing bullying you can contact local and national agencies for support:
Australia: http://au.reachout.com/Factsheets/C/Cyberbullying
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au
United Kingdom: http://www.bullying.co.uk/cyberbullying
If you are a young person at risk of suicide or are worried about a young person at risk of suicide: HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41
If you would like to express your concerns about cyberbullying you can contact:
Australia: Contact the Minister for Communications The Hon Malcolm Turnbull MP malcolm.turnbull.mp@aph.gov.au
United Kingdom: Contact the Minister for Culture, Communications and Creative Industries The Undersecretary for state Ed Vaizey MP www.vaizey.com/contact
(1) http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/cyber-bullying-statistics.html
(2) Wairarapa Times Age, “Trolls don’t just live under the bridge” by author Andrew Bonallack, Tuesday Feb 25th, 2014
