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Coach Mom Newsletter - Feb 2010

Remember Your Valentine

As you make heart-shaped sugar cookies and Valentines cards with your children this month, take care to not forget hubby.  Children enter the family, take center stage, and often stay there.

Remind your husband that he’s your “main squeeze” this Valentine season with thoughtful gift giving. These times of economic uncertainty offer a chance to stop and think about what giving a truly valuable gift really looks like.

Here are some ideas to get you started, keeping in mind what he likes:

  • List three of the best qualities your husband possesses, and let him know how you feel about these strong qualities. (After sharing, post the list where you can see it daily.)

  • Do two things you did for your husband while you were dating or were newlyweds.

  • Write a love note, and hide it in his briefcase.

  • Compliment him in front of others (especially the children).

  • Send him a racy text message. (Double check the address before you hit “send”!)

  • Surprise him with a clean car that has his favorite candy taped to the steering wheel.

  • Make coupons for a foot massage or back scratch.

  • Put the children to bed early and enjoy a candlelight dinner to soft music.

  • Start an admiration journal for him (more about this later).

Parenting expert John Rosemond says, “The secret to raising happy, healthy kids is to pay more attention to the marriage than you pay to them.” Take the time to step out of the mother role to be your husband’s friend, companion, and lover.  It will not only bless your Valentine, it will bless the little ones watching you.

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Create an Admiration Journal

  • Jot down the date and moments and situations in which you particularly admired your husband (i.e. “Even when you were tired from work, you came in and wrestled with the boys in the middle of the floor. You are such a great dad.”)
  • Don’t worry about good handwriting, proper grammar – just get it down, and make sure you are specific.
  • It’s not only a great bang for your buck, it only gets better with time. Each year add to it, tie a ribbon around it, and give it to him again.

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Ask Coach Mom

Dear Brenna,

Valentine’s Day is nearing and I’m trying to prepare myself. Over the last five years of marriage I’ve learned to stop watching for flower deliveries on Feb. 14. My husband seems to think flowers are a waste of money since they are so temporal. What’s more, he doesn’t seem to appreciate the gifts I’ve bought him: special coffee mugs, sweaters, and even game tickets.

I feel bad complaining, because he is a caring husband. He often lightens my load by giving our preschoolers their baths and cleaning the kitchen after dinner.

I just want to break the “disappointed on Valentine’s Day” cycle.


Dear Lucy,

Thomas á Kempis said, “A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.” It sounds like you have a loving husband, but giving presents is not his most natural way of expressing or feeling love. Adjust your expectations, recognizing that he shows love in other ways. Perhaps he shows love by acts of service? When you consider gifts to give him, think about something you might be able to do to help him in something that matters to him.

Thank him for the helps he gives you around the house (it really is a gift when preschoolers live in the house). And at an appropriate time after Valentines Day has passed, you might want to share with him how much it would mean to you to receive a bouquet of flowers some time from him. Most likely this will be news to him.


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