There's nothing so satisfying as a successful set up. Think about it: you're single-handedly responsible for the increased happiness of two wonderful people.

Not only that, there's a certain pride to be had in successfully identifying their compatibility, planting the seed with subtlety and respect, and then later at their wedding refraining from getting shitfaced, commandeering the microphone and shouting out across the dancefloor that if it wasn't for ME you'd all be sitting at home watching Farmer Wants a Wife and there wouldn't even BE a Nutbush City Limits. Cue: inner warmth.

So we're always thrilled to receive requests for letters aimed at making two hearts beat as one. Last month we were lucky enough to receive two such doozies. The first one was of the canine variety...

Dear Guy

Do you ever feel like life is too banal? Like we respond to things in a way that is just so foreseeable that life has lost all meaning? That our existence has no sense of surprise? When someone has a birthday we bake them a cake. When someone gets dumped we get them drunk. When someone gets a haircut we tell them that they look fabulous. When someone is going away we throw them a party.

At the risk of sounding like an anarchist I’m keen to shake things up. Next time someone celebrates a birthday I will flash them my boobs. Next time someone gets dumped I will write and perform them a song about how they were batting well above their average and they should aim lower next time. Next time someone is going away I will steal their dog.

Read on...

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