The crane lady wore high heels. Toronto woke up to news of a young woman perched on a swaying pulley above Yonge and Wellesley. Rescue crews were dispatched at about 4 a.m., firefighter Rob Wonfor began climbing the crane at 6 a.m., and he slowly pulled her down at 8 a.m., after which she was charged with mischief. Photos show her smiling and laughing amidst all the drama.

Louis Vuitton is ticked off by Dr. Flea’s. The luxury designer is taking legal action against the Etobicoke bazaar for hawking knock-offs—a rare case in Canada, where a landlord isn't technically responsible for tenants. “Come, walk among the booths. Look at the scarves and see if you could tell which one is counterfeit,” Dr. Flea’s lawyer tells the Globe and Mail, in what sounds like good publicity.

“We will not stand for this! Watch!” Donald Trump’s sabre-rattling tweet reminding Canada it deserves retalliaiton from dairy farmers in Wisconsin, compounded by the interminable wars over softwood lumber, has led Justin Trudeau to warn of a thickening border—even if he doesn’t plan to pay for a wall. In any case, the president and prime minister certainly had a difference of opinion about how their phone conversation went. If only these turf-warring Beachcombers were still alive to unite for the potential fight:

Brother beating the rap was a recycled Trudeau tale. The prime minister’s story about Michel Trudeau getting off the hook for pot possession with dad's help, which he told during a Vice town hall, was reported as a revelation despite it having been mentioned by him before. Nonetheless, the anecdote earned PMJT fresh criticism, and it opened a window for NDP leader Tom Mulcair to growl about “abject hypocrisy by Justin Trudeau.”

Markham bawdy houses aren’t making great neighbours. Cars parked on the streets during odd hours and used condoms on lawns looked quite conspicuous to "Mike," a resident of Ash Tree Lane. “As if that wasn’t enough, at one point,” reports the Markham Economist & Sun, “he saw two scantily clad women running from one of the suspicious houses on the street to another one located nearby.” Councillor Don Hamilton wants to take action. Here he is with arms crossed to show how serious he is:

Processed cheese gets taken to an ethereal extreme. On the heels of churning Philadelphia Cream Cheese into a yogurt-based protein smoothie, Kraft Heinz Canada decided it was time to liven up its mysteriously bright-orange singles, and treat them more like potato chips. The result: slices flavoured with bacon, jalapeño, and Sriracha.

Taco Bell selling booze can be blamed on the youth. Alcohol will complement the burritos in a future location at 484 Queen West. The chain explains that beer and mass-produced Mexican food is the future that millennials want. The building's former tenant, The Hideout, used the occasion of its closure to rant about a big brand takeover of the strip that’s gone on for more than 30 years.