Good morning.

Let’s talk about a situation I see in buildings everywhere.

A coaching client recently shared something with me that hit close to home because I’ve watched versions of it play out dozens of times in skilled nursing, assisted living, and CCRCs.

They stepped into a new building as the Administrator. Within weeks, staff gravitated to them—because they felt seen, heard, and respected. They’d ask questions, share concerns, and look for support. Nothing unusual. In fact, that’s exactly what should happen when leadership is visible and approachable.

But instead of seeing it as a win for the building, the DON took it as a threat.

Private comments like “everyone thinks you’re the problem” and “the doctors are mad you called them” started flying.

And in the background, the team was splitting into two camps: clinical vs non-clinical.

Only two months into the job, and the Administrator already felt caught in a tug-of-war.

If this sounds familiar, here’s exactly how I coach someone through it—step-by-step.

1. Start with your own clarity

Before you ever touch the situation, get brutally clear on what’s actually happening.

Write down:

• Actual examples of the DON saying “the team thinks you’re the problem.”
• Instances where staff came directly to you instead of her—and what you did.
• Moments where she seemed upset that you answered a question or advocated for someone.

Then define your desired future state in one simple sentence. Something like:

“We present a united leadership front, staff feel safe speaking up, and clinical/non-clinical teams operate as one building—not two factions.”

And ask yourself honestly:

• Am I unintentionally undermining her?
• Am I over-functioning instead of coaching?
• Am I venting through tone or body language?

If you skip this part, you walk into the conversation already defensive. Clarity protects you from that.

2. Name the leadership problem—not the personality

This isn’t “a difficult DON.”

This is:

• Triangulation (staff → you → her and back again)
• Threatened leadership identity
• Low psychological safety
• A team leaning toward divided loyalties instead of unified standards

When you frame it as a leadership pattern instead of a personality flaw, you show up calmer, clearer, and in control.

3. Plan a structured 1:1 with the DON

Block 60–90 minutes. No interruptions. No hallway conversations.

You walk in with three core messages:

1. “We’re on the same side. I want you to win here.”
2. “We must show up as one leadership team.”
3. “We need clear agreements on how communication and escalation works.”

Then use SBI + Curiosity.

Situation – Behavior – Impact

Example:

“In the last couple of months, when staff have come to me with questions and I’ve answered them, you’ve later told me that ‘the whole team thinks I’m the problem’ or that physicians are upset I reached out. When that happens, it creates uncertainty about how you want me to support the team, and it signals misalignment to staff.”

Then ask:

“Help me understand what’s most frustrating for you in these situations.”

Listen. Reflect. Stay steady.

This is where the breakthrough usually starts.

4. Co-create leadership lanes

Shift the tone from “me vs you” → “us vs the problem.”

Together, define:

• How staff should escalate concerns
• What happens when someone bypasses the DON
• How physician/NP communication should work
• How you loop each other in without drama

A simple script you can use:

“You own clinical operations. I’m responsible for safety, culture, and outcomes. I never want to undercut you. Let’s build a playbook we both believe in.”

After the meeting, send a brief summary email so the agreements stick.

5. Address the ‘everyone thinks…’ comments

Vague accusations are leadership poison.

Say this calmly in the meeting:

“When I hear ‘everyone thinks you’re the problem,’ I can’t take action on that. Going forward, can we agree to be specific—who said what, and when—so we can address real issues, not general perceptions?”

If she uses it again later:

“I’m open to addressing concerns, but I need specifics to act. Who exactly is expressing this?”

This sets a clean boundary without aggression.

6. Reunify the team into one building

Right now you have “her nurses” and “your people.”

You need one building.

Do this by:

• Picking 1–2 shared goals everyone owns
• Running short cross-functional huddles
• Modeling unity—co-leading meetings, sharing credit, showing consistent alignment

Research is clear: teams operate better when leadership sends one message, not two competing narratives.

7. Reset expectations with staff—without throwing her under the bus

Staff need to see the new standard.

Use a steady script when they bring you concerns:

“Thanks for trusting me with this. Because it’s clinical, we need [DON] involved. Have you spoken with her yet? If not, let’s think through how to do that together.”

If they say they’re afraid to approach her:

“I hear you. That’s not okay, and I’m addressing it directly with her. I won’t ignore it, but we’ll go through the right channels.”

You protect the culture while maintaining leadership integrity.

8. Put communication rhythms in place

Consistency is what rebuilds trust.

Put in:

• Weekly DON–Administrator 1:1
• Monthly joint leadership meeting
• Regular rounding—sometimes together, sometimes separately

Small, steady touches repair more damage than one big “reset meeting.”

9. If she doesn’t shift, escalate appropriately

If after clear agreements, coaching, and time she continues to:

• Speak disrespectfully
• Undermine you
• Create fear
• Refuse to align

…it’s time for formal performance management.

Document everything. Bring HR in early.

Not to retaliate—but to safeguard residents and staff.

Sometimes development works.

Sometimes accountability is the only option.

10. Guard your own leadership brand

Through all of this, you need to show up as:

• Steady
• Fair
• Consistent
• Mission-centered

A simple weekly reflection:

• Did I advocate for residents?
• Did I support my leaders—even in tough conversations?
• Did I model the culture I expect?

If the answer is yes, then even if the situation is messy, you’re playing the long game and building a leadership reputation that follows you for the rest of your career.

If you need help working through your own leadership dynamics, reach out.  here to help.

A Word from our Community

We're looking to build our next tool and solutions for NHAs and Senior Living Leaders.  Tell us what to build that will help you be a better leader and operator.

👉Take the quick survey here.

The NHA Stand-Up Playlist

Whether you’re bracing for survey, rebuilding next month’s schedule from scratch, or just need a mental reset — we got you.

The NHA Stand-Up Playlist is built by NHAs, for NHAs.

Tracks that lift you up, fire you up, or just let you breathe.

🎧 Listen to the full NHA Stand-Up Playlist here

Whenever you're ready, I can help you in a few ways.

1. Get 1 FREE CEU - Read our partner Viventium's "2025 Healthcare Workforce Management Report" and receive 1 NAB approved CE credit. Read here. 
2. Use our free AI-powered Chatbot trained on all 900 pages of CMS Nursing Home Regulations, proprietary processes, and information from decades of skilled nursing leadership experience.  Click here.
3. Sign up for Assisto and keep track of the regulatory environment in your state.  Know what deficiencies surveyors cite in real-time and ensure you're not at risk for the same tag.  Sign up here.
4. Take our Salary Lens survey and gain access to the largest database of senior living and SNF leadership salaries in the industry.  Check it out here.

Forward this newsletter, and we might give them a free coffee for signing up!

Enjoy reading our newsletter?  Forward this edition to a colleague and friend, and we will send five randomly selected new subscribers a free coffee using Thnks.

Thanks for reading.  Have a wonderful day.

Kevin Goedeke, Publisher and Founder