“A dating website designed by Fidel Castro.” Conservative MP Scott Reid delivered this review of the latest twist in the federal government's effort to placate electoral reform advocates. MyDemocracy.ca mirrors the experience of taking one of those Scientology “IQ Tests.” Like most things related to the Trudeau Government, the quiz would’ve been better off in the paws of BuzzFeed:

Marijuana plan looks likely to keep shady weed dealers in business. Pot dispensaries feel betrayed after the prime minister expressed support for a police crackdown—while noting that legalization isn’t being pursued to please recreational users. A new committee report suggests doing away with storefront pot sales altogether in favour of mail-order, possibly as a way of helping Canada Post stay afloat. (Stateside, pot is being sold as a potential saviour for record stores.)

A new magazine cover for Michael Bryant. Precedent catches up with Ontario’s former attorney general, who's working to establish a criminal law practice. Bryant’s experiences after being charged with criminal negligence and dangerous driving in the 2009 death of cyclist Darcy Allan Sheppard continue to influence him—and he's still apparently grateful to his lawyer, Marie Henein, who convinced the Crown to drop the case. “To me,” says Bryant, “she was a rescue worker.”

Don Peat goes from reporting the story to spinning it in 72 hours. The Toronto Sun’s crack chronicler of the Rob Ford mayoralty, who was most recently the paper's assistant city editor, left journalism last Thursday to take a job as the mayor's mouthpiece. And look: he's already on the front page, sitting next to John Tory during a pre-budget face-off with the Sun’s editorial board.

Caffeine pills—not just for exam cramming anymore! Wake-Ups, a stimulant pill that has never advertised before in its 65-year history, is trying a deadpan millennial advertising campaign. The marketing effort started with a rooster-headed mascot wandering around the city in pursuit of social media sightings. There’s such a thing as trying too hard:

Sebastian Bach unleashes his book. 18 and Life on Skid Row makes him the most famous author to come out of Peterborough since Robertson Davies. The book includes artistic photos his father took when they went to see KISS at Maple Leaf Gardens in 1979, a recollection of when Jon Bon Jovi’s father threatened to kill Bach for callng his son “Jon Blow Me,” and a recounting of the time Bach threw a bike wheel off a Toronto rooftop in 1990, through the windshield of a new Mercedes SUV.

Canada’s most tweeted of 2016. A pre-election tweet scored some text-speaking teen over a quarter-million retweets—beating out Drake’s Views album tracklist and, mercifully, anything related to @norm.