Newspaper lobby hands the keys over to a 21-year-old. Torstar reported another quarterly loss, if partly lightened through shutting down Star Touch, but the Toronto Star’s own report on its financial state typically spins away from all of the sore spots. Postmedia pink-slipped a national sports editor and Calgary editor-in-chief, while the company is expected to buy time with more layoffs. But to try and promote its case for government subsidies for journalists, News Media Canada's tweeting is supposedly being handled by a Western University intern, who knows how to make dank memes:

Caroline Mulroney arrives to prop up Patrick Brown. The expected star Ontario PC candidate announced she’s seeking space on a 2018 ballot to replace retiring 22-year MPP Julia Munro up in York-Simcoe rather than a Toronto city riding—despite a poll even suggesting a breakthrough downtown. Brown’s latest interal inferno involves his refusal to sign nomination papers for anyone else in a Hamilton riding that appears reserved for CHCH-anchor-turned-city-councillor Donna Skelly. Meanwhile, voters blew off steam at Kathleen Wynne amidst the constellations of Bobcaygeon.

Ottawa enters peak silly season. Deconstructions of Justin Trudeau in Rolling Stone culminate in Susan Delacourt dubbing the regretted comments about boxing Patrick Brazeau a “Scaramucci moment.” But the embattled senator laughs at the PM's deflated image—even if it's rebounding with the symbolism of Trump-fleeing refugees housed inside Montreal’s Olympic Stadium. Concurrently, dozens of MPs are being exposed for double-dipping on pensions, while others are under fire for blocking critics on Twitter. Amidst it all, Parliament struggles with simply adding a few words to the law:

The House of Lords owner is really sure he’s had enough. Downtown Yonge’s increasingly toxic combination of property tax hikes and condo construction has led to dissent north of Wellesley. Most dramatically, hair salon owner Paul Burford decided he’s throwing in the hot towel in October after 51 years, stimulating some nostalgic glances at the cracked rock star photos that rattle to the loud dance music booming through his House of Lords. Burford isn’t alone, though, as strip stalwarts like Morningstar and Theatrics Plus are revolting to “STOP Mayor Tory’s Sudden 100% Tax Increase !!”

The new magnetic hill of Toronto real estate. Home sales declined 40.4 per cent in July, but TREB claims many are just standing on the sidelines. Those who aren't even trying to buy get a glance from Bloomberg News as rental properties are “nearing Brooklyn-level prices.” Some cheaper refuge can evidently still be found in Mimico:

Drake’s dad tests the temperament for tacky slow jams. Dennis Graham can still count on clickbait for his music video “Kinda Crazy,” despite previously griping that his Instagram followers don’t care. (Celebrity fatherhood seems better exploited to sell whiskey.) But you know you’re connected when they let your son ride atop a Cadillac Escalade ploughing in slo-mo through a shopping mall:

Canadian telecom crackdown on TVAddons goes international. Crowdfunding for the Montreal software developer fighting copyright infringement charges for his library of Android apps is showing what some users are willing to pay for. (The item in yesterday’s 12:36 mistakenly stated Adam Lackman was interrogated by police—it was in fact a group that included a lawyer representing Bell, Rogers and Videotron.) Much hassle could be avoided if millennials knew that watching antenna TV is free.