“Apologies to Mr. and Mrs. Chong.” So concluded Leah McLaren’s most recent column, in which she described a bizarre attempt to breastfeed Conservative leadership candidate Michael Chong's baby, without permission, during a house party years ago. (McLaren says Chong walked in just as she was reaching for a nipple, and Chong has confirmed this.) The column, published online last Wednesday afternoon, was removed shortly thereafter. Incredibly, it took until Sunday night for the disappearing act to be noticed on Twitter. (Globe and Mail public editor Sylvia Stead might have to say something soon.)

Conservative leadership hopefuls are off in all directions. Kevin O’Leary returned to Canada with a plan to take a stand on border security—an apparent attempt to stake out a different position than his opponents, some of whom are riled in opposition to M-103, or invoking irrational imams. Aspirant Andrew Saxton is promoting himself as “Boring Gets It Done.” Meanwhile, one rabid Maxime Bernier supporter envisions the 2019 federal election as “The Uncuckening.”

Trumpcare clouds out tales of this city. The Toronto Star's obsession with White House madness reached a new apogee today, as the paper gave front page status to a meme comparing a photo of men negotiating women’s health to a roundtable of dogs discussing cats. The New York Times had a more thorough Toronto story up front over the weekend: the conclusion of a refugee chronicle that spanned a year.

Stoner holiday gets taken really seriously in Ottawa. Draft legislation to legalize marijuana by Canada Day 2018 is expected to make its grand debut on 4/20. The only thing stopping the Liberals from formally introducing it on the day is that the House of Commons will be on break.

Stripper pole ringtone joke wasn't worth it. Liberal MP Nicola Di Iorio is on deck to get disciplined for a quip he made (twice!) to Conservative MP Dianne Watts during a committee meeting: “Where’s your pole to slide down on?” The question was provoked by her ringtone, which turned out to be the “Minuet” option on her iPhone. (Anyhow, nobody has stripped to a tune like this one for centuries.)

Literary tweet hoaxer had something he’d been meaning to tell you. Tommaso Debenedetti has continued his streak of setting up fake Twitter accounts for public figures. Earlier this month, a fake Camille Paglia did the trick. But then Debenedetti set his sights north, creating a “personal profile” for Alice Munro. The fake account fooled a number of presumably literate fans (even the Alice Munro Festival was taken in) until the big reveal. Debenedetti then moved on to J. M. Coetzee.

The yin and yang of writing about a real estate bubble. While the city waits for some kind of correction, enter the columns in which longtime homeowners grouse about watching it from the inside of a paid-off house. From the other end, along with the usual stories about not being able to find a place to live, comes a new type of feature, about creative classists who've decided to get the hell out.