Budget bafflegab befuddles! A few hours of being locked up without Twitter forces the political punditocracy to expectorate all of their disillusionment at once, a tradition which now has the effect of initially burying the details of how a federal budget actually affects anyone. Meanwhile, finance minister Bill Morneau got to show off thinkfluencerspeak like "Superclusters" and "Futurpreneurs," who'll work on invisible computers:

“Substantial doubt” for Sears won't cloud its Canadian fate. The symbol of middle-class American retail is conceding that it can’t survive in the States. But its north-of-the-border operators say a shutdown won’t affect Sears Canada, which is just coming off a farcical series of strategy changes. (The latest involves turning a chunk of every Sears store into a Winners competitor called “The Cut.”)

Capybara triplet birth fills mayor with grandparental pride. John Tory has taken his share of political swipes this week, so he must be grateful to Bonnie and Clyde, the High Park Zoo's escape-artist capybaras, for providing a distraction from the Scarborough subway debate. On Twitter, the mayor announced the births of “three energetic capybabies,” born just short of nine months to the day after the runaway parents were re-contained.

Naked theatre tickets include a surcharge for bleaching. S h e e t s is a nudity-strewn play whose April 1 performance will force the audience to disrobe, too. Professional naturist Stéphane Deschênes was recruited to rent towels to audience members for a buck. (The Toronto Star actually had to correct a listing that originally stated this Theatre Centre viewing experience will be “clothing optional,” because there is no option.)

Laneway homes get a bit more limelight. Proposals to fill downtown with backyard bachelor pads are inching forward with a pilot project across from Robarts Library. This Now Magazine cover story is accompanied by a gallery of garages that illustrate the current state of bohemian ingenuity.

Drake manages to transcend the hot takes. More Life, presented as a 22-song streaming playlist, posed a challenge for any writer tasked with summing it up. Mostly, it has been lauded for its diverse musical ideas, although a few critics have tried playing the cultural appropriation card. Clickbait based on Drake's architect’s Instagram of the rapper's Bridle Path house is easier to digest:

Maclean’s blowback puts Andrew Potter out of a job. Snarky writing about Quebec society hasn’t ended well for the director of the McGill Institute for the Study of Canada, who announced his resignation. For now, Potter will remain a professor at the school that formally distanced itself from his piece. (Also, a retired judge compared Potter's column to the Rwandan genocide.)

Word of the moment


Rob Ford's tweenage daughter, Stephanie, assured the audience at last night's memorial event that her late dad has cut taxes up there by 50 per cent.

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