“Andrew Who?” KO’s the Bernie Bros. The new Conservative leader was chided by rivals for his limited notoriety—which arguably reflected the failure of the news media to properly cover the race. But the surprise Andrew Scheer victory also spells the end of the expectation that the party would be defined by bizarre Maxime Bernier memes; instead, strap in for a long run of insufferable puns:

Kathleen Wynne re-election strategy gets another notch. Ottawa MPP Jack MacLaren was expelled from the Ontario PCs after a video surfaced of him slagging French-language rights—a mistake compounded by past gaffes. He claims that he was getting ready to defect to the Trillium Party, anyway. (MacLaren’s new pamphlet quotes Tony Robbins.) Naturally, the Liberals frame it as their achievement.

The terra cotta house near Dundas and Dupont can be yours for a million bucks. Patterned tiles were all the rage in the late 19th century, and they could be had cheaply in 1905, when J. Turner Sr. built 20 Jerome Street, possibly as a way of advertising his construction business. With an exterior like this, the current owners evidently felt no compulsion to decorate the walls on the inside.

Raccoon-proof green bins can't fight back. When the new organic waste bins were rolled out last year, one resident claimed theirs was almost instantly chewed through. Even so, Toronto Star fixer Jack Lakey belives the city's claim that there have been no further complaints about unauthorized gnawing. Now, some readers are claiming that critters figured out how to fiddle with the locks.

Lemon Ricotta Hotcakes likely to blame for teen star meltdown. The Fresh Prince’s son, Jaden Smith, who is currently in Toronto filming Life in a Year, claimed that his vegan diet was compromised by some cheesy pancakes at the downtown hotel—and that was after staff informed him that he couldn't stay an extra night. E! News research concluded that he bit into a Café Boulud breakfast item, possibly unaware that ricotta is a cheese. The hotel won’t comment on guests, even when they tweet claims of attempted hotcake homicide.

Mike Myers’ terrible book shellacked by an academic. St. Francis Xavier University professor Patricia Cormack will be presenting a paper at the annual Congress of the Humanities and Social Sciences about how the comic’s recent memoir, Canada, amounts to a call for returning to the whitewashed approach to state-sponsored suburbia that peaked between 1967 and 1972. Meanwhile, Myers' next role involves playing a 72-year-old British comedian come out of retirement to host an American revival of The Gong Show.

Ketchup patriotism to be tested on 50-foot slippery slide. Pringles is setting up a stunt at Front and Simcoe on Saturday to promote its ketchup flavour as a symbol of Canada's 150th birthday. But real validation will come if they catch on stateside.

Word of the moment


A term for the bribes that hotel doormen accept from cabbies in exchange for lucrative fares. The practice is facing an internal review at the Sheraton Centre.

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