As I walked around my home, meditating on this, I felt a tug on my heart strings that really spoke to me .

I began to say out loud, what my heart was prompting. 

But first, God !

But first, God. But first, God. As these words echoed in my mind, I reflected on the goodness and mercy of God and how much my life has transformed since the day I met Jesus Christ and His grace saved my soul.

I didn’t meet Jesus at church or through reading the bible.

In fact, He found me at my most desperate state of mind; lost, broken and on the verge of death.

In June of 2014 I was living the dream life as Chef/Owner of Hidden Dinner and Ketri Cafe .

My entire purpose was built on the foundation of my abilities to create amazing culinary experiences with our dream team. 

The restaurant had taken on a life of its own and while it was an incredible experience, it grew at a faster pace than we could manage.

While the demands were high, the finances just didn’t match up and the death of a dream was inevitable.  

As I faced the facts that the restaurant was no longer sustainable, a wave of despair began to overtake my soul.

While I didn’t recognize this at the time, I realize now, that my entire identity and life was devoted to being a chef. 

One Saturday night, as the reality of my perfect life was slipping through my fingers, I found myself alone in the kitchen contemplating suicide.

My phone was dead and I didn’t remember anyone’s number. It was one of the darkest moments of my life. 

Luckily, I was able to contact my friend Dave via Facebook, who took me in for a mental health checkup and essentially stopped me from taking my own life. 

I was at the restaurant all of the time and often spent the night on the downstairs couch.

I felt a deep connection to this space because I had let it define me. I was looking at life through a very limited lens centered around the illusion of success. 

The truth was, my family and friends hardly ever saw me.

I was in a state of constant chaos and anxiety; surrounded by hundreds of people who admired my work but didn’t really know the person behind the food. 

One Monday morning in June, I showed up to a local boot camp workout called PayanX, led by my friend Marc Payan, who was one of our regular customers.

It was here that Jesus found me dark and early, doing hard things with a community of warriors dedicated to loving one another. 

Love was spoken at PayanX.

I had never Xperienced anything like this.

It was everything I had always wanted in my life.

A community, a sense of belonging and an acceptance based on grace and not merit. 

This is where the trajectory of my life completely changed.

God was on the move and I began to recognize Him. 

Meanwhile at home, my four year old son Darius was speaking Truth into my life.

He would ask questions that were beyond his scope of understanding. 

Mommy, if the restaurant doesn't make money, why do you keep going to the restaurant ? 

Mommy , are you happy ? 

Mommy, I love you, do you love me ?

As I showed up to my life daily , God continued to encourage  and strengthen me through other people and His Holy Spirit .

I often say, He sent an army after me! 

Many friends invited me to church but I declined .

I knew there was a God but I often blamed Him for life's difficulties. 

In October 2014, we closed the doors to Ketri Cafe .

It was a devastating experience that took months to recover from. Even though I felt like a failure, I no longer wanted to die. 

Jesus was in the midst of my storm and He was comforting my soul through every step of the way. 

Halloween 2014, my family and I attended a Trunk-or-Treat event at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest. 

It was the first time we showed up at a church. On December 28th, 2014 I was baptized.

Over the next couple of months I had so many incredible one-on-one moments with God and maybe one day I will share more stories. 

For the first time in my entire life, I finally felt true freedom and peace.

Life was no longer a death sentence but an invitation to experience the fullness of God.

My burdens were lifted, my darkness was demolished and the emptiness of my soul was filled with abundant joy and everlasting love. 

God doesn't simply fix our problems, He brings us from death to life. 

And that is why we love Him, because He first loved us . 

It has been such an honor to share this moment of time with all of you.

I pray that my story holds a space of hope and love for anyone that is going through hardship and darkness. 

I would love to hear from you , so please hit reply and share what is on your heart . 

Remember that YOU matter and your story can make an impact for the greater good. 

 My heart is full and I am truly grateful for the gift of life. 

Stay Blessed, 

Anahita Naderi 

Founder and Creative Curator of Hidden Dinner