Roar Community Thoughts about Turning 50

Ahhh 50! Here are a few connected ways in which I’ve seen my perspective change. Let me know if any of these hit the mark!

I cry a lot less. I am less personally wounded by things, more stoic, feel more ready for the ups and downs of life.

This may be because I give less fucks. I am focused on being healthy, on longevity, and not on what someone else thinks of me.

I feel great! I have become a laissez-faire parent. I do not know if my kids will ace life, but I do know that trying to ace it for them is folly and it’s unfair to them. I am much more comfortable letting them be and watching and supporting the people they are becoming.

I am hyper focused on the future, thinking about what adventures await me, not letting them be squeezed into the margins but allowing them to be front and center in my mind.

—KATE

I am grateful for every birthday and every extra day I get to enjoy my life. I always remind myself, "I will never be this young again."

I really looked forward to turning 50 this year. Because the alternative is not so great! 😉

I know too many people who have passed who would have loved to have had just one more birthday. Every day is a gift and I will never take that for granted.

As far as reflections...

As a mother of three teenagers who are leaving home faster than I'd like, I am viewing this phase of my life as my "me time." I am allowing myself to explore all sorts of options for my future - writing a book, going back to graduate school, a third career, volunteering abroad...the ideas are endless and I feel limitless. Even though I have enjoyed every role, I have always felt like my paths had been defined for me: my 20s were focused on my career, my 30s and 40s on starting a family and raising our children. But I'm really excited about my 50s because now I get to CHOOSE what I want to do. There is no script. There are no expectations. How exciting is that!?

—VANESSA

50 allowed me to reflect on my successes…my instincts were good.

I realized that it is okay to take time for big decisions. Trust your own instincts, but take in other perspectives.

Focus on being nice and considerate. It comes back to you.

Physically, don’t sweat the small stuff. The body has an incredible armamentarium to heal itself.

Find your vibrancy. Be present in your life!

—KEITH

At 50, life can throw you curveballs that you are not expecting. Use your past experiences to learn how to navigate them.

I've lived a life, but know that I have another chance for a second life. If I can live to be 90, I have a lot of living to do.

I want to spend this year reflecting on what is important to me and how I prioritize my goals.

—STEVE

There was an early societal narrative spoken to women born in my generation that blasted “YOU HAVE PERMISSION!” and this was the lit stick of dynamite that propelled us from the moment we left high school and entered into college life. Steinem and Greer had all trail-blazed the crap out of this bit of the break-through, but I was still confronted with the gnawing inner turmoil of seeking someone else’s APPROVAL. As I look back at my first half-century - generously punctuated with incredible events, adventures and achievements - many of these took to the stage to a backdrop of having been run through a filter of various approvals that I just assumed needed to be sought. Why were there certain decisions agreed upon by me having to process the opinion of my parents, friends, senior colleagues, and ex-husbands, to name a few? Why wasn’t the voice inside me, my own divining rod, enough?

Then there was a shift, and suddenly a fistful of significant life-events in this most recent decade - perhaps my most successful, of course - were determined by just me (and maybe something from the wine section at Trader Joe's), and as my 50th approached, I became consumed by the freedom that only MY opinion gave my life. I saw before me that I was now married to a man who was my greatest audience, who admired and applauded me guard-railing my identity and positioning my own very personal wants and desires - personally and professionally - as front and center. I was finally learning boundaries, and I decided to gift to my son the most authentic version of myself because I wanted him to see a woman so completely devoted to HER life, and how her happiness and fulfillment nourished his view of the world so that he too would choose someone who put themselves first, in a way that amplified their life experiences, and who saw “self” as an immense joy and gift, and if chance would have it, to their own an intimate immediate circle of family and friends.

So sure, within this next half century I’ll watch the distance between some body parts and my feet is closing in, and a team of highly skilled professionals will be regularly marshaled in to inject, tighten, highlight and low-light this aging goddess. But I feel a remarkable energy for autonomy, for freedom - never at the expense of another person’s feelings or sense of self - and my best decisions are still to come.

—ISSY